being an adult.

Today as I sat in the laundrymat, I could not help but to notice the expressions on the women’s faces. Their faces screamed exhaust, but they continued to fold their clothes and take care of their kids.

The first person I thought of was my mother. She has to be one of the strongest women I know next to my grandmother. There are days where my mother words over 12 hours, but she still comes home and asks my sister and me how our day was, tidys the house, and asks if we had something to eat.

But first, I have to learn how to be an adult first. It’s true what my grandmother says, “Cherish those moments as a child because when you grow up, you’ll want to be a kid again.” Now of course I didn’t listen…I enjoy my age, however, sometimes I wish I could have the freedoms I had as a kid. The biggest worries I had as a kid were whether I was going to catch the latest episode of Dawson’s Creek and whether I had batteries in my cd player.

Paying credit cards, cell phone bills, & transportation is a part of being an adult. I’m not like my other friends who have families. However, it is still an adjustment. Truthfully speaking, I can understand why some people never want to leave college. College is similar to a mother: nuturing and safe. After graduating from college, we are on our own—I can tell you, we can say that ABC will happen after college, but often times it ends up happening FVN- completely out of order and completely unpredictable.

When I have this “being an adult” packed down, then I can focus on bigger things. But for now—credit cards, driving permits, blogging congest the mind.

 

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stabbing points.

Being betrayed is one of the most painful experiences one will ever experience. What makes this experience even more painful is if the betrayer is a person who one knows.

Sadly, this is an experience we all know too well. One of the most painful betrayals I have ever experience was when a friend had sex with my boyfriend. Although I was 15 years old, I was deeply hurt. There are times when I reflect about the experience; I think of it as a test. I could have taken the easy way out and fought, but I am not like that. Instead, I did not speak to her, acted like she was dead.

This brings up the question: Which is worse, to be backstabbed or frontstabbed?

Personally, anyone can be backstabbed. An associate, friend, co-worker, classmate are some of those who can be backstabbers. Frontstabbers, as I like to call them, are those are who you least expect to hurt you. These people include: family, best friends, confidants.

Frontstabbing is an emotion that will leave you gasping for air. It is the feeling you get when your best friend steals the promotion you so desperately wanted, or when your ex-boyfriend you wanted to marry confesses to you that he slept with women he met via facebook— yes this happened to me.

As sad as this is, frontstabbing is something that happens to everyone at a certain point in their lives.

I disagree with those who say that they would rather be stabbed in the front. Honestly, I would rather be backstabbed by an associate whom I will never see again than let us say, my sister.

deprived.

One of the worst things to do is fight with your loved ones and never have the chance to say you’re sorry. I believe losing the one I love is similar to being deprived of oxygen. It’s so painful that the heart hurts, as if I am going to suffocate.

I believe that the emotional and physical are connected. When I feel an emotion, my body feels it too. Therefore, when I argue with a loved one, I feel it all over.

Often, we promise ourselves not to let “the little things” gt the best of us. However, the promise is broken and we find ourselves quarreling with the people we cherish the most. Although some may not intend on doing this, we do lash out on our loved ones because we can. I say this because if someone really loves me, I know that person will be there for me throughout thick and thin- so of course I can say whatever my heart desires. What many fail to realise is that by lashing out at others, this painful cycle does not end.

 

 

random, confusing, assorted thinking.

I know it has been awhile (almost the whole summer), since I have written a new blog.

The summer was filled with empty promises to myself of course, and basically much of nothing.

Now my favorite season is here, Fall!!! This is my time of renewal & promise.  With this new season, one of my main goals is to follow up with myself & not put things off.

I always speak to my friends and family that I want to be happy and become a better person. That will not happen until I take charge of my own life & make things happen for myself. How am I going to make someone happy until I make myself happy.

Going to Mother Wallace’s Women’s Seminar made me realize that although I have come far in life, there is definitely room for improvement. I need to “clean up my house” in order to evolve and become a better person. Instead of focusing on other people & their situations, I have to focus on myself and get rid of the emotional baggage that is preventing me from becoming a better person.

Mother Wallace also spoke about becoming a “Woman of God.” Being a “Woman of God” has so many meanings. I believe that being a woman of such entails being an adult and responsible for her household. I did not realize how much being a woman is important. Now that I think about it, I see my mom and how much she struggles to support my sister and me. My mom works, cooks, cleans, and takes care of her family. I see my mom as a Woman of God. I aspire to be like my mom, grandmother, and Mother Wallace.

My mind is so congested right now, it feels like there is a melting pot in my brain. So congested, it feels like one hazy fog- illustrated at its best.