the princess in me.

Once upon a time, there was me and you just us two. This is a line from “Sex and The City” I will never forget. Once upon a time is a phrase that is embedded in time. When I see or hear those four words, I immediate associate it with a fairy tale, a princess looking for her destined love.

What many do not realize is that these princesses, just like all of us have
obstacles that at one point or another have to be confronted. In order for a
princess to live “happily ever after,” she must conquer her demons. As they say, even the best fall. After a person falls, the only direction to go is up.

It is amazing how one fairy tale can imitate our lives. I feel that Snow
White is the fairy tale that best expresses me.

Snow White is a young, naive girl who believes that everyone is good. Even though her stepmother treats her badly and gives her rags to wear, Snow White still expresses her love. It is not until the hunter (whom the Evil Queen hires to kill Snow White) tells Snow White about her step-mother’s real intentions. It is then that Snow White runs away to an unknown territory to find herself. The Seven Duarfs not only symbolize kindness and friendship, but also represent her conscience, a Jimmy Cricket of sorts.

The real test of Snow White’s mauturity is when faced with the deceitfully
beautifully appearing apple. Once again, Snow White shows that she is naive and as a result, is poisoned and falls into a deep slumber.

Back to the comparison between Snow White and myself- I am honestly naive and give people the benefit of a doubt. It is until I get hurt and see a person’s true colors, that I realize not everyone is “nice.” However, it is lesson that I am continuing to learn, and one that I may face for the rest of my life. In reality, one must ask… Does one trust their own instincts in regards to being with the right people? How can we even tell?

What I do know is that in order for my “happily ever after” to happen, I must go through the “forest.” I have to experience things for myself. I must learn who I am before I learn about someone else. It is a very difficult journey to face and one that I have put off for a long time. I do not think I will ever be fully ready, but in order to become an adult, like I want to be, this is something I must do.

 

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father’s day.

Entry originally written Sunday, June 19, 2011

Happy Father’s Day to the fathers out there. And that includes mother’s as
well. I am not going to lie, Father’s Day is definitely not one of my favorite
days. I feel that it stings me. What father do I have to celebrate this with?
But as I have gotten older, I realize that I DO have this day to celebrate. I
have my mother. She raised me and my sister, provided everything that we needed.

I could not ask for a better mother & friend. My grandmother is my
everything; I may say this a lot, but she my Batman & I am her Robin. My
grandmother is the glue that holds my family down. When I am feeling any certain way, she brings me back to earth with her sharp words. Like she says, drama can end if one is quiet. Afterall, it is when one is quiet, that one looks the most beautiful.

Instead of loathing Father’s Day, I am going to reflect and remember the most awesome man of my life, my grandfather. He is and will always be the most important man in life.

My favorite memory of my grandfather is one of the last times he took me to the senior citizens home. I always wanted to be by his side and would not leave his side for anything. He was playing pool with his friends and I took the pool stick and rubbed it against the chalk, making a mess. My grandfather turned, and the one thing I looked at with my hands pink from the chalk, was his white sideburns against his clear brown skin.

Angrily he said, “Estela, NO!” I froze. How could he yell at me? I was his
baby… He carried me to a corner, where I looked out into the small window. I saw the clear sky and near were the other kids playing outside. After a few minutes, I turned and saw my grandfather, who resumed playing his game.

Although our loved ones are not here with us, we have to always cherish the good times we have with them. With that said, we always have to cherish our loved ones, for life is too short. The only thing that moves us forward is time but it is the one thing we have that we can never get more of.

untitled.

I’ve been thinking… I don’t know how to say this, and I don’t think I ever will… but I know that it is time that I leave you alone This is YOUR fault!

All these years I trusted and believed in you! What a fool I was! Instead of the love and honesty I was promised, deceit and heartbreak was all you ever conveyed.

Everyone tried to warn me of your malicious nature, but I did not listen.
Your eyes captured me in the rarest way. Being with you melted all my insecurities.

I gave you the ability to walk on water. There was nothing that you could have done that could have made me hate you. I knew that as long as you needed me, you will always be my side. I was your lover, your nurturer, your everything.

Discovering you had another love took my breath away. A part of me died; better said, the fantasy of having the “perfect life” with you ceased to exist. Another had your love. Time proved to be the most cruel. It was evident that love, energy, amongst other things were all wasted.

Slowly, I am learning how to live again. Just as time heals all wounds, it is
healing me, giving me a reason to breathe once again. My oxygen now comes from my loved ones. It is pure and open; unlike your polluted air that maimed my heart and everything I had.

I have already wasted energy composing this letter.

Till we meet again

the moment.

Ever felt that moment where your heart was telling you to do something, and you couldn’t just ignore it? Well, that has been the feeling I’ve been having for sometime now. One may say that I’m “bugging,” but I believe that until one has this experience, no judgements should be made.

My heart is telling me to go after what I love, which is to write. I remember five years ago, my college advisor asked me why I changed my major to Creative Writing. I looked into her eyes, without hesitation and said, “Because I love to write.” The professor smiled and said, “Welcome to the English department.”

Writing brings out the best in me. It allows me to convey my feelings without barriers. A blank sheet of paper is my canvas. My emotions, actions, dialogue saturate the page. What makes this the most beautiful that it is my own doing; this is my creation that no one can take away from me.