coming to terms.

Hey Everyone!

I hope you all have been enjoying the year so far!

If there is a lesson that I have learned in the past few months is that I have to come to terms with certain things.

There are people who I will probably never have a great relationship with, no matter how I hard I try… the best thing to do is to move forward and focus on the people I do love and know have my back. It’s not easy to walk away- forever the optimist & perfectionist, I always try to get along with everyone. However, I realize that when the same people constantly upset me and make me feel negative, I knew that I had to pull the plug.

I had to learn that I come first- my happiness and inner peace come above all else. In trying to please others and make others happy, I put myself on the backburner. Little by little, I started to notice that I was not happy, but furthermore, my negativity started to funk up other aspects of my life. It was not until I spoke with one of my best friends, I realized that things had to change.

For many years, I self-shamed myself and made myself feel bad about being overweight. I would google articles about losing weight and try to find the fastest way to lose weight. I could google and write down anything I wanted, but if I didn’t change my eating habits, of course I wasn’t going to lose any weight. Right now, I’m becoming healthier at my own pace and in my own way. The only competition I am in is with no one. Recently, I bought a Veggetti Pro, which is a vegetable spiralizer. I was able to create my own zucchini spaghetti, which is awesome! As of last week, I am down nearly 10 lbs since my heaviest weight. A lesson to remember is that change doesn’t happen overnight- change is progressive-  the worst thing one can do to themselves is make a change, then expect a complete 180 in a day. Believe me, it’s not going to happen in an instant- but with hard work and persistence, it will happen.

We can get so frustrated with the world & so overwhelmed, it’s easy to get angry and want to give up. 

I had to spend time with myself (something I’m completely not used to) and rethink things. I started to realize that in order for things to change for me, I had to reflect on the following:

  1. What got me here?
  2. How do I want to get out of it?
  3. What am I afraid of?
  4. What sacrifices do I have to make?
  5. Who do I trust?

Out of the 5 questions mentioned, number 5 was by far the hardest. How do I ask for advice… more importantly, how do I tell someone that I’m struggling without looking like a failure? It’s a challenge to admit that I need help sometimes. Nevertheless, I confided in those closest to me… the best therapy is having loved ones- either it be friends, family, & close coworkers, knowing that they have your back.

Remember that we are not meant to carry the world on our shoulders.

As challenging as life can get, we have the right to be happy & if that means making changes- then let it so be it.

I know that some of the changes I’m making are pretty scary- but I wouldn’t have it any other way.

So with that being said, I’m really looking forward to what the rest of 2016 has to offer.

I can’t wait to share my experiences with you all…

Thank you all for your continued support.

Please feel free to comment on coming to terms & any other post.

Until next time!

—Stelly

 

 

 

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leading.

I’ve been reading an awesome book lately that I just can’t put down! It’s called, Happy @ Work by Jim Donovan. In his book, Donovan lists 60 ways in which we can all be happy at work, despite whatever challenges we are facing. Currently, I am at number 38.

I was thinking of what to discuss about on my blog when I thought of a quote that I posted on Facebook last night, There’s an immense difference with wanting to be a leader & wanting to be a boss. Decide which is more prosperous.In reading the book, I’ve come to realize that over the course of my career, both academic and professionally, I’ve encountered people who are more concerned with being bosses and not being leaders.

First off, one may think that leaders and bosses are one in the same. I’m not going to lie, I believed that. I always thought a boss was supposed to be a leader. However, that’s not the case.

I believe a leader is someone who helps their employees, their associates succeed, and most importantly, their company succeed. We are all supposed to work complete our daily tasks, that’s what work is. But a leader will show their employees how to complete the task. Recently, I encountered a few challenges at work; I was hesitant to talk to my supervisors out of fear. Like who wants to tell their boss they messed up, like come on! I was afraid of getting yelled at. But then I knew that by communicating with my bosses what was going on, they were going to help me. My supervisors took a few moments to show me how to correct the mistake so I won’t make the mistake the second time.

Although my supervisors helped me at that moment, there were moments where people of authority were mean- there’s no other way of saying it. Instead of helping others, these people would yell and not help at all. Honestly, it is really frustrating to see meanness in any level. Ultimately, we all want to succeed and prosper. In reality, there are people out there who love to see others suffer and not do anything with them.

From experience with certain people in my life, I’ve learned that those who are mean and are seemingly heartless have an immense chip on their shoulder that would take a crane to remove. Many people conceal their pain and insecurities in many ways, one of which includes lashing out on others. I believe that if we all communicated with others, especially at the toughest moments, there would be much more tranquility and peace.

But let’s face it… would we really take the time and explore other’s feelings if we knew how it would benefit us? Leaders do just that… they sense when their employees are in a rut or are “feeling somekinda way” and try to help and lending hand.

Now why some people don’t want to lead but want to boss? It’s very simple… If I am the smartest girl in my class and I tutor someone who is struggling in a certain subject, I would not spill my study tips; there’s a chance that student will have higher grades than me. I have tutored people in the past, without hesitation. The best thing one can do is learn every day. Even though I may teach someone something new, I am actually learning something new as well. I am learning how to teach someone and what limits I have. Teaching people how to do things requires a lot of patience, something I don’t have sometimes, but it’s through teaching people I learn to become more patient.

One of my life’s goals is to lead people to do well. Recently, I saw a high school friend who I was great friends with; in fact, she was my “little sister.” To hear her say years later that I inspired her to study English in college struck a chord in me. The best thing I can do for other people is share my stories and beliefs with people with the hope that something is learned. I know that although I may not psychically have lots of money, at least I know there are people who see me as a leader.

This brings me to the question… Do you guys think there’s a difference between a leader and a boss? If not, then does a leader have to boss people around for things to get done? I’d love to know your opinions!

Until next time!

 

—Stelly