coming to terms.

Hey Everyone!

I hope you all have been enjoying the year so far!

If there is a lesson that I have learned in the past few months is that I have to come to terms with certain things.

There are people who I will probably never have a great relationship with, no matter how I hard I try… the best thing to do is to move forward and focus on the people I do love and know have my back. It’s not easy to walk away- forever the optimist & perfectionist, I always try to get along with everyone. However, I realize that when the same people constantly upset me and make me feel negative, I knew that I had to pull the plug.

I had to learn that I come first- my happiness and inner peace come above all else. In trying to please others and make others happy, I put myself on the backburner. Little by little, I started to notice that I was not happy, but furthermore, my negativity started to funk up other aspects of my life. It was not until I spoke with one of my best friends, I realized that things had to change.

For many years, I self-shamed myself and made myself feel bad about being overweight. I would google articles about losing weight and try to find the fastest way to lose weight. I could google and write down anything I wanted, but if I didn’t change my eating habits, of course I wasn’t going to lose any weight. Right now, I’m becoming healthier at my own pace and in my own way. The only competition I am in is with no one. Recently, I bought a Veggetti Pro, which is a vegetable spiralizer. I was able to create my own zucchini spaghetti, which is awesome! As of last week, I am down nearly 10 lbs since my heaviest weight. A lesson to remember is that change doesn’t happen overnight- change is progressive-  the worst thing one can do to themselves is make a change, then expect a complete 180 in a day. Believe me, it’s not going to happen in an instant- but with hard work and persistence, it will happen.

We can get so frustrated with the world & so overwhelmed, it’s easy to get angry and want to give up. 

I had to spend time with myself (something I’m completely not used to) and rethink things. I started to realize that in order for things to change for me, I had to reflect on the following:

  1. What got me here?
  2. How do I want to get out of it?
  3. What am I afraid of?
  4. What sacrifices do I have to make?
  5. Who do I trust?

Out of the 5 questions mentioned, number 5 was by far the hardest. How do I ask for advice… more importantly, how do I tell someone that I’m struggling without looking like a failure? It’s a challenge to admit that I need help sometimes. Nevertheless, I confided in those closest to me… the best therapy is having loved ones- either it be friends, family, & close coworkers, knowing that they have your back.

Remember that we are not meant to carry the world on our shoulders.

As challenging as life can get, we have the right to be happy & if that means making changes- then let it so be it.

I know that some of the changes I’m making are pretty scary- but I wouldn’t have it any other way.

So with that being said, I’m really looking forward to what the rest of 2016 has to offer.

I can’t wait to share my experiences with you all…

Thank you all for your continued support.

Please feel free to comment on coming to terms & any other post.

Until next time!

—Stelly

 

 

 

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oh snap, it’s been over a year!

Hey Everyone! 

Happy Belated 2014… as you can see, it’s been over a year since I posted my last blog. Honestly, I let so many things stop me from doing what I wanted, it’s unbelievable! And the thing is that it was ALL me! I can’t blame anyone else for what obstacles I put myself through. I let my fears and insecurities stop me from doing a lot of things, especially writing. Something just died in me; I became a different person. I cannot quite explain it as I feel like it was a deep sleep. 

Recently, I was thinking about my “funk” and what I could do to fix it. Literally, I heard a click in my mind and I thought about this notion… after I graduated from college, which was back in May 2010. I thought that life would fall into place, like one of those “becoming of age” movies. In the end of this movie, all my conflicts would be resolved and all loose ends would be tied. There would be no more problems. All great ideas and solutions would be in the palm of my hands, preferably left. I would have found the perfect man, moved into my fabulous, well-furnished West Village apartment- everything would be perfect. However, things became the exact opposite. I became so frustrated with life that I just stopped doing the very hobbies that made me happy: going on long walks, reading, just to name a few. 

I decided that by doing the very things that made me happy would make me become the person that I once was and much more. I’ve started to re-connect with friends that I haven’t seen in a really long time; I can’t make up for the past but I am creating a more positive future. I’ve also decided to distance myself from some people and their negative attitudes. The following adage is valid, “In saying no to others, you are saying yes to yourself.” As hard as it is to say no to others for fear that they’re going to talk about you or not continue to be your friends, it’s mandatory that you put yourself first. I think of it this way, whoever is really there for me will stick around for the whole journey, not when it is merely convenient. In saying yes to people almost 99.9% of the time, I lost myself. Becoming consumed with work, going home, going to sleep…. and doing NOTHING in between. This routine felt recycled, repetitive and was and is definitely not for me. 

Right now, I am focusing on myself and doing what’s right. I am writing more. For the first ever, I’ve finished a journal. I will have some stories and poems that I will share with you all. I hope to have my pieces published; that’s my main goal.

I also want to do something called, “The 90’s Box.” It is a project where I am going to collect 90’s memorabilia and write about its significance.

I look forward to sharing my new materials with you all and I hope you enjoy reading my work as much as I enjoy writing and sharing my work.

 

Until next time!