myriad.

—so many thoughts are on my mind, it’s hard to focus on one concrete thought. but there is one thought that is haunting me.

i feel like i am in an absurd time warp. where are the fuck are we? this is 2017 and i feel suffocated by not only hate, but fear & anxiety as well. my grandparents emigrated from puerto rico to new york city in 1954 to have a better life. and honestly, i’m disgusted by everything that’s going on. this isn’t the land of the free.

i have to say what’s in my mind and what’s in my heart.

the recent events in charlottesville, virginia  boggle my mind- but am i surprised, no? i believe that racism never died out- neither was it never phased out. racism is a belief to me, something that is taught. and as long as people hold these ideas and spread them, it will never cease to exist. it’s a disease that spreads and attacks everything in its sight.

it is one thing to have opinions and beliefs (everyone has them, whatever)… but to spew hate and hurt people, and murder people, what the fuck is that about? if someone is mad at something or someone, write… there is no absolute need to harm anyone.

but then for our president not to acknowledge what’s going on… like what the fuck! i still can’t stay president…. nope! i can’t. i refer to him as his last name… sometimes, i had drump or call him that. everytime he has the opportunity to show some kind of empathy, some kind of leadership, he fucks it up! i don’t get it…

but let me tell you all something… and i have to say it.

i truly feel in the pits of my being that of course the president isn’t taking a firm stand or denouncing 10000% percent of these recent events. these vile people (these groups that don’t even deserve to be mentioned) are his bread and butter…simple as that! these are the people who voted for him. these are the same people who are so petty and are so angry that President Obama served two terms. i bet these vile people thought… no way in hell are they gonna win again? it’s like these people came out of the sewers like waterbugs and sewer rats. could you imagine if president… addressed these people? he knows what’s up. there goes his 2020 election. and it bothers the fuck outta me that he’s not being a leader, not the leader that we need. he’s not someone who can represent us. on the contrary, he chooses to be a twitter thug and constantly say stupid ass fuckery. he looks really foolish, a straight up buffoon. he makes me sick to my stomach.

it’s a shame that in 2017, i’m afraid to walk alone at night. that i’m afraid that i’ll be attacked in manhattan by one of these vile people. i worry for my partner, the love of my live… someone who is one of the kindest, sweetest, most intelligent people i’ve ever known. why do i worry? because he’s african-american, he will be attacked. we still get dirty looks when we walk down the street from time to time. so… a puerto-rican and an african-american can’t walk down the street together? what’s so bad about two people who love each other, expressing that love. i notice these dirty looks and it scares me.

i truly hope that things get better for all of us. we deserve to live peacefully and without threat.

ironic right? we were promised that america will be “great again” but you know what they say also, “if it’s broke, don’t fix it.”

our government needs to take a really hard look and “drain that swamp” so to speak.

—until we meet again.

 

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explore.

I was thinking of what to write about- it’s been a couple of months since I’ve posted, “coming to terms.” I definitely wanted to write something positive and uplifting.

Summer 2016 is starting and I am really excited! This is the first summer that I feel things will be even better!

I started off Summer 2016 by finally cutting my hair! I feel much more free and beautiful! My smile says it all! 🙂

StellyMemorialDayWeekend

I’ve been taking this time and have been exploring new places, but even more importantly, revisiting places that I haven’t been too in a long time.

The pictures below were taken when I went to City Island, in The Bronx, NY. My boyfriend and I went there during the Memorial Day weekend and we walked to the end of City Island and were able to capture these beautiful photos. I was grateful that the weather was beautiful and I had the time to visit.

I also wanted to visit Greenwich Village and check out the beautiful pier that overlooks into New Jersey…

A lesson that I’ve learned is that while I may not have achieved certain milestones (not yet)- I have to be grateful for what I do have- I will not move forward until I appreciate my blessings. 

I am grateful that I have my friends and family, but especially my boyfriend who has helped me become a better person and is always willingly to explore NYC with me.

These pictures were taken at Union Square & Madison Square Park, respectively.

If there is one place that will always be dear to my heart, and one place that I will never forget, that will be The Bronx. The Bronx is not only my hometown, but possesses some of my best memories.

I can’t wait to continually update #ohsnapisstelly and show all of you my work.

Until Next Time!

—Stelly

frozen breakdown.

About two weeks ago, Mayim Bialik, star of “Blossom” and “The Big Bang Theory” posted on her blog, “Why My Sons And I Hate The Movie Frozen.” Off the bat, I knew that I had to check out the post. Right away, I disagreed with some of her opinions. Now that doesn’t make me dislike her as a person. Number one, I don’t even know her… and it’s her opinions… who am I to judge? However, today’s post serves to answer the top critiques she had of the movie. The following headings are taken from the three critiques she had regarding “Frozen.”

1. Plot: For as long as I can remember, the main storyline of 95% of all Disney fairytale animated movies has the plot of a princess and prince falling in love and having that “happily ever after” at the end of the movie, despite not knowing each other well. If the plot is being criticized for Frozen, then maybe all romantic comedy plots should be criticized as well. There’s always that element of two people falling in love. Guy meets girl; they fall in love; some drama tears them apart. Then the drama is resolved and everyone lives happily ever after. “Frozen” does not have the typical plot. I apologize for giving away the plot of the movie for those who haven’t seen it… Basically, Elsa and Anna are sisters who are very close until Elsa hurts Anna accidentally.  Growing up, Anna doesn’t feel loved which leads to her “falling in love” with the first person who gives her attention. I don’t know about you, but I can relate to Anna. And I believe that a lot of people can relate to her too. How many people do we know who meet someone and within the first month, proclaim their love on social media?

2. Male Bashing: Another critique Mayim stated was the fact that Prince Hans was male bashed after his true intentions are revealed. I can see where she is coming from in terms of maybe the movie should have been a little longer so the climax and the ending could have been carried out more eloquently. But from the perspective as a viewer, Prince Hans turning out to be a villain was just a grand, dramatic plot twist. What we have to remember is the fact that Frozen is geared for children. There is only so much of a plot Disney can fit into a couple of hours.  Also, we have all known people from all walks of life who were deceptive and wanted things for their own gain so this is not surprising.

3. Women As Dolls: Unlike other Disney movies, Elsa and Anna were drawn/animated differently than other Disney princess. Considering that we are in 2014, and technology in animation has advanced, I think it was a given that Elsa and Anna were going to look more life-like and more like women. My colleague also critique Elsa’s appearance after her transformation… all I can say is that Elsa is a twenty-one year woman… so at one point or another, she is going to show curves and have a more revealing outfit. When Elsa is singing, “Let It Go,” she is literally letting go off all her inhibitions and insecurities. Having her hair tied up and having all those layers of clothing shows the audience that she is not only concealing her natural-born powers. Throughout her whole life, Elsa concealed the person she was; she did not want anyone to see the person she really was and Elsa’s parents did not want her exposing herself, out of fear that she would hurt others. I’m sure you felt like that at one point or another. I was sheltered as a child growing up, so simple things like taking the subway and having an extended curfew were immense tastes of freedom and it was overwhelming at times.

At the end of the day, we all have our opinions and thoughts regarding certain topics and events and this is okay. We can all learn something from each other as long as we keep our minds and our ears open.

I hope you all enjoyed today’s blog.

Till next time…

—Stelly

leading.

I’ve been reading an awesome book lately that I just can’t put down! It’s called, Happy @ Work by Jim Donovan. In his book, Donovan lists 60 ways in which we can all be happy at work, despite whatever challenges we are facing. Currently, I am at number 38.

I was thinking of what to discuss about on my blog when I thought of a quote that I posted on Facebook last night, There’s an immense difference with wanting to be a leader & wanting to be a boss. Decide which is more prosperous.In reading the book, I’ve come to realize that over the course of my career, both academic and professionally, I’ve encountered people who are more concerned with being bosses and not being leaders.

First off, one may think that leaders and bosses are one in the same. I’m not going to lie, I believed that. I always thought a boss was supposed to be a leader. However, that’s not the case.

I believe a leader is someone who helps their employees, their associates succeed, and most importantly, their company succeed. We are all supposed to work complete our daily tasks, that’s what work is. But a leader will show their employees how to complete the task. Recently, I encountered a few challenges at work; I was hesitant to talk to my supervisors out of fear. Like who wants to tell their boss they messed up, like come on! I was afraid of getting yelled at. But then I knew that by communicating with my bosses what was going on, they were going to help me. My supervisors took a few moments to show me how to correct the mistake so I won’t make the mistake the second time.

Although my supervisors helped me at that moment, there were moments where people of authority were mean- there’s no other way of saying it. Instead of helping others, these people would yell and not help at all. Honestly, it is really frustrating to see meanness in any level. Ultimately, we all want to succeed and prosper. In reality, there are people out there who love to see others suffer and not do anything with them.

From experience with certain people in my life, I’ve learned that those who are mean and are seemingly heartless have an immense chip on their shoulder that would take a crane to remove. Many people conceal their pain and insecurities in many ways, one of which includes lashing out on others. I believe that if we all communicated with others, especially at the toughest moments, there would be much more tranquility and peace.

But let’s face it… would we really take the time and explore other’s feelings if we knew how it would benefit us? Leaders do just that… they sense when their employees are in a rut or are “feeling somekinda way” and try to help and lending hand.

Now why some people don’t want to lead but want to boss? It’s very simple… If I am the smartest girl in my class and I tutor someone who is struggling in a certain subject, I would not spill my study tips; there’s a chance that student will have higher grades than me. I have tutored people in the past, without hesitation. The best thing one can do is learn every day. Even though I may teach someone something new, I am actually learning something new as well. I am learning how to teach someone and what limits I have. Teaching people how to do things requires a lot of patience, something I don’t have sometimes, but it’s through teaching people I learn to become more patient.

One of my life’s goals is to lead people to do well. Recently, I saw a high school friend who I was great friends with; in fact, she was my “little sister.” To hear her say years later that I inspired her to study English in college struck a chord in me. The best thing I can do for other people is share my stories and beliefs with people with the hope that something is learned. I know that although I may not psychically have lots of money, at least I know there are people who see me as a leader.

This brings me to the question… Do you guys think there’s a difference between a leader and a boss? If not, then does a leader have to boss people around for things to get done? I’d love to know your opinions!

Until next time!

 

—Stelly

 

reflecting after.

Right at this moment, I’m sitting in my room, thinking of what to write about…

Ever became so mentally congested that you just shut down? That happens to me all the time. All these thoughts run through my head and then it becomes overwhelmingly powerful; I don’t know what to do next. 

The people closest to me tell me, “Do things one thing at time.” Honestly, although this may seem simple, it’s a difficult concept to follow. How do we complete each task, “one day at a time?” It baffles me how my mother does so many things in such a short amount of time. 

To listen to our loved ones can be so hard… Sometimes, by taking our loved one’s advice, I feel like it’s admitting that they were right and for a person who is stubborn, I can say that’s definitely me! 

Any who… Last week was Mother’s Day and I reflected on the lessons that I’ve learned from my mother and grandmother. One lesson my grandmother taught me comes to mind.

I was in elementary school and I came home crying; I must have been 11 years old. I cried because someone in my class called me fat during recess. It wasn’t the first time I was made fun of, but it still hurt. I was tired of being teased because of my weight. I felt as if my weight was all people saw and I couldn’t take it anymore. I didn’t know what else to do but cry.

My grandmother looked at me while after she put something away in her closet and said, “So what if they made fun of you? Tell them you have a mirror at home!” I stood there just surprised and stumped… I didn’t understand what she said. All I wanted my grandmother to do was to hug me and tell me that those kids were boogers. But that’s not what I got… This was what I was thinking at that moment:

1. She was calling me fat. 2. I’m admitting that I’m fat. 3. I had to stand up to those who were making fun of me.

All of these notions were too much- simple as that. How was I supposed to say that, “Tell them I have a mirror at home” ? By the time I was in the 5th grade, I was afraid to stick up for myself. To make friends and to have good grades in school was really easy to me; confrontation was not. Confrontation is still a challenge for me.

Sixteen years later, I realize what my grandmother was saying. I believe that she meant, so what if you are fat, you know it and you are proud of who you are. If they don’t like it, they don’t have to look at you. By people calling me fat, they’re essentially not telling me anything new; they’re just telling me in the douchiest, meanest, most fucked up way humanly possible. Let me tell you something, words hurt either it is said verbally or written. There are still times when I think of my elementary school days and of what people have said to me. Of course I could have called those jerks out, but I didn’t and I won’t. I’d like to think the best revenge is my success.

I will not hide who I am. I can wear all black and wear the baggiest clothes possible but I won’t. Am I going to be insecure because of what people say and think about me? No I will not! I’m not going to give people the satisfaction of seeking their approval when they don’t deserve it. It takes too much energy to care about what people think of me. I have a loving family, friends, and kickass boyfriend. 

I tell my grandmother all the time that I am thankful for her and for the lessons that she has given me. But this lesson in particular will always stick with me. When I am feeling down, insecure, and unsure of myself I will look in the mirror and remind myself that I am a beautiful, intelligent, and successful woman. 

To those who have called me fat or have put me down, I believe that they have simply called out an insecurity about themselves. Just remember that life is too short to focus on others and what they are doing. Focus on yourself and what you can do to better your future.

Till next time everyone!

 

is it me?

The other day I was on facebook, going through my news feed. CCNY Secrets, a page created for those who have attended or are attending CCNY, posted up a secret that struck a cord with me. 

This was the secret:

“A close female friend recently admitted to being sad because she’s never had a boyfriend and doesn’t get attention from guys. But the truth is she doesn’t take care of herself. She’s overweight, doesn’t bother to fix herself up (no makeup, dress, hair). She just isn’t attractive to the opposite sex. And before you people hit me with that deep, holier than thou crap about personality and being a beautiful person, lets be honest, we’re visual creatures and like it or not we put attractiveness first. 
So if you’re a female in the same situation, learn to become the girl that guys cannot deny. Or keep waiting for your prince charming movie hero who will look past your imperfections *chokes*”

It’s comments like these that make me feel annoyed. I don’t know the person who posted the “secret” but I bet he/she doesn’t understand where his friend is coming from. I bet he doesn’t know her issues besides what she’s said. It’s true that most people are in fact visual creatures; I’ve seen it first hand. But this this mean that I have to change who I am just so someone else can look at me? Absolutely not!!!

Honestly, reading this made a lot of different feelings re-surface. For me, I always thought that I didn’t have a boyfriend because of the fact that I was overweight. It was hard to “look nice” because I felt that I was being judged anyway… so what was the point? If I dressed nicely or put on makeup, I was just going to be the big girl with that outfit that didn’t suite her who had a pretty face. It was upsetting to see my friends have partners and I didn’t have anyone. I was the classic chunky girl who had a lot of boys as friends, but no boyfriends. I was always smart in school… always had frizzy hair, always the funny girl. Valentine’s Day sucked every year. I always managed to hide everything with a smile.

Sometimes, when we surround ourselves with the right company, we start to see the beauty that is within ourselves. I know that when I started to feel more confident, I started to feel more comfortable about my appearance. I changed who I associated with & in turn, I started to hang out with those I knew weren’t going to judge me. It was then I started putting on blush, doing my nails and hair; I wasn’t afraid to take as many risks.

If there is one thing I have learned over the course of a few years, is that if I’m going to do something, it has to be for myself, no one else.

I met my boyfriend out of nowhere…and it was one of the greatest blessings I’ve ever had. The day I met him, I didn’t have any makeup on… it was on a hot July afternoon. My hair was loose, curly, frizzy and out of place and I was a sweaty mess. But I knew that I had to talk to him…I just had to, although my friend gave me the courage to. Now.. .he could have seen how I looked and turned me away, but he didn’t. We exchanged numbers, hung out, and now almost three years later, we are still together & very happy!

So to the person who posted that secret, how’s about putting yourself in your friend’s shoes? I believe that although sometimes tough love is the key to good advice, it can be just downright hurtful. Also, maybe that person is single because she hasn’t met the right person yet; he’s probably right under her nose and she hasn’t realized it yet.

It’s true what my mother says, “The best things happen when we are not looking, when we least expect it.” When we are sad and at our lowest, it’s hard to see the good around us and the fact that better things will come our way.  And she was right, as hard as it was to admit. 

Do you agree with the notion that we have to change our appearance in order to find love? Are we really that visual? Or was the person being a jerk?

Until next time! 

the 90s kids.

For my extra blog post this week, I thought that I would do something different and post a poem. I haven’t written a poem since I was an undergrad; I hope you all enjoy. 

 

The 90s Kids

Who am I? I’m the 90’s kid.

I am the kid who would wake up at 6:30 AM to watch Sailor Moon on Cartoon Network.

I am the kid who put on her tight brown and white plaid jumper everyday for school, who would have to go to class before 8:40 in order not to be late.

I am the kid who watched Mighty Morphin Power Rangers and pretended to be Rita in the school yard during recess.

I am the kid who loved Barney and swore he was my best friend. Lamb Chop, Hush Puppy, and Charlie Horse were my friends and Sherri Lewis was their awesome mom.

I am the kid who cherished Lisa Frank and the Yikes pencils when my mom bought them for me; I swore I was the coolest girl.

I am the kid who used her allowance to buy the first Spice Girls album and the first Emimen LP, Slim Shady.

I am the kid who broke my mother’s cd walkman every few months because my Jansport would crush it.

I am the kid who watched Snick every Saturday night and wanted to hang out with the cast of All That.

I am the kid who dreamed that I would find my own Dawson Leery and swore Felicity was my long-lost older sister. 

I am the kid who could not wait to grow up.

It’s not the 90s anymore. Twenty-four years have went.

I am the 90s kid in the new generation.

The 90s will forever reign.