The other day I was on facebook, going through my news feed. CCNY Secrets, a page created for those who have attended or are attending CCNY, posted up a secret that struck a cord with me. 

This was the secret:

“A close female friend recently admitted to being sad because she’s never had a boyfriend and doesn’t get attention from guys. But the truth is she doesn’t take care of herself. She’s overweight, doesn’t bother to fix herself up (no makeup, dress, hair). She just isn’t attractive to the opposite sex. And before you people hit me with that deep, holier than thou crap about personality and being a beautiful person, lets be honest, we’re visual creatures and like it or not we put attractiveness first. 
So if you’re a female in the same situation, learn to become the girl that guys cannot deny. Or keep waiting for your prince charming movie hero who will look past your imperfections *chokes*”

It’s comments like these that make me feel annoyed. I don’t know the person who posted the “secret” but I bet he/she doesn’t understand where his friend is coming from. I bet he doesn’t know her issues besides what she’s said. It’s true that most people are in fact visual creatures; I’ve seen it first hand. But this this mean that I have to change who I am just so someone else can look at me? Absolutely not!!!

Honestly, reading this made a lot of different feelings re-surface. For me, I always thought that I didn’t have a boyfriend because of the fact that I was overweight. It was hard to “look nice” because I felt that I was being judged anyway… so what was the point? If I dressed nicely or put on makeup, I was just going to be the big girl with that outfit that didn’t suite her who had a pretty face. It was upsetting to see my friends have partners and I didn’t have anyone. I was the classic chunky girl who had a lot of boys as friends, but no boyfriends. I was always smart in school… always had frizzy hair, always the funny girl. Valentine’s Day sucked every year. I always managed to hide everything with a smile.

Sometimes, when we surround ourselves with the right company, we start to see the beauty that is within ourselves. I know that when I started to feel more confident, I started to feel more comfortable about my appearance. I changed who I associated with & in turn, I started to hang out with those I knew weren’t going to judge me. It was then I started putting on blush, doing my nails and hair; I wasn’t afraid to take as many risks.

If there is one thing I have learned over the course of a few years, is that if I’m going to do something, it has to be for myself, no one else.

I met my boyfriend out of nowhere…and it was one of the greatest blessings I’ve ever had. The day I met him, I didn’t have any makeup on… it was on a hot July afternoon. My hair was loose, curly, frizzy and out of place and I was a sweaty mess. But I knew that I had to talk to him…I just had to, although my friend gave me the courage to. Now.. .he could have seen how I looked and turned me away, but he didn’t. We exchanged numbers, hung out, and now almost three years later, we are still together & very happy!

So to the person who posted that secret, how’s about putting yourself in your friend’s shoes? I believe that although sometimes tough love is the key to good advice, it can be just downright hurtful. Also, maybe that person is single because she hasn’t met the right person yet; he’s probably right under her nose and she hasn’t realized it yet.

It’s true what my mother says, “The best things happen when we are not looking, when we least expect it.” When we are sad and at our lowest, it’s hard to see the good around us and the fact that better things will come our way.  And she was right, as hard as it was to admit. 

Do you agree with the notion that we have to change our appearance in order to find love? Are we really that visual? Or was the person being a jerk?

Until next time!