blues.

I was on twitter yesterday morning and I was reading tweets from Robert Kardashian, Jr. He posted the following, “I’m aware that I’m fat that def aint a surprise to me lol and my only therapy will be in the gym anyways had to say somethingggggggggg.” 

I couldn’t help but feel sympathetic towards Rob. I don’t know him from a hole in the wall, but I can’t imagine having thousands, maybe millions of people tweeting about me, talking about how I look and/or how ugly I may look. Going back to my post from Sunday, I don’t need to mirror to see how I look. I know I’m plus-size, but guess what? I’m awesome! I’m beautiful! I’m intelligent! It’s just too bad that there are those who believe that beauty has specifications; as a result, they see what size pants I wear and not the size of my heart.

Up until recently, I avoided many retail stores because I thought I wouldn’t look good in the clothes. Let me tell you, that’s no way to live. To live in constant fear of being teased, of having people stare and whisper right in front of you… it sucks. It’s hard for me because people have done this to me, but I can’t let my past dictate my present and my future. It felt good to walk into Old Navy and H&M and check out their clothes. I treated myself to few tops and I even took pictures in the shirts. I felt so liberated; I didn’t have a care in the world! It never hurts to try on different things and to treat oneself. Right now, I’m in love with my new Victoria Secret lipsticks. I love matching my makeup to my new outfits. I’m loving myself and the skin that I’m allowing myself to be in.

As hard as it is to do, I had to admit that I was hurt from my past. What people said to me and the things that were done to me hurt. To smile and essentially hide from the pain isn’t the answer. As a perfectionist, it’s hard to admit when I’m struggling. I’m exactly what the word means- I want to be perfect. But there is no such thing as perfect- all we can do is try our best and achieve what we believe is right for ourselves. I’m grateful to have family that I can confide in. I have a boyfriend who I trust, who I can share my struggles with. When it comes to positivity, I make sure that I surround myself with those that I have my best interest.

It’s funny how years ago, it mattered how many Myspace and Facebook friends I had. Now in my late 20’s and I can honestly say that I rather have a smaller circle and be happy than have hundreds of friends who don’t give a shit about me. 

Until next time!

 

Note: Robert Kardashian, Jr. has since deleted the mentioned tweet. I obtained the tweet from the following website: http://www.people.com/article/rob-kardashian-fat-comments-twitter

 

 

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is it me?

The other day I was on facebook, going through my news feed. CCNY Secrets, a page created for those who have attended or are attending CCNY, posted up a secret that struck a cord with me. 

This was the secret:

“A close female friend recently admitted to being sad because she’s never had a boyfriend and doesn’t get attention from guys. But the truth is she doesn’t take care of herself. She’s overweight, doesn’t bother to fix herself up (no makeup, dress, hair). She just isn’t attractive to the opposite sex. And before you people hit me with that deep, holier than thou crap about personality and being a beautiful person, lets be honest, we’re visual creatures and like it or not we put attractiveness first. 
So if you’re a female in the same situation, learn to become the girl that guys cannot deny. Or keep waiting for your prince charming movie hero who will look past your imperfections *chokes*”

It’s comments like these that make me feel annoyed. I don’t know the person who posted the “secret” but I bet he/she doesn’t understand where his friend is coming from. I bet he doesn’t know her issues besides what she’s said. It’s true that most people are in fact visual creatures; I’ve seen it first hand. But this this mean that I have to change who I am just so someone else can look at me? Absolutely not!!!

Honestly, reading this made a lot of different feelings re-surface. For me, I always thought that I didn’t have a boyfriend because of the fact that I was overweight. It was hard to “look nice” because I felt that I was being judged anyway… so what was the point? If I dressed nicely or put on makeup, I was just going to be the big girl with that outfit that didn’t suite her who had a pretty face. It was upsetting to see my friends have partners and I didn’t have anyone. I was the classic chunky girl who had a lot of boys as friends, but no boyfriends. I was always smart in school… always had frizzy hair, always the funny girl. Valentine’s Day sucked every year. I always managed to hide everything with a smile.

Sometimes, when we surround ourselves with the right company, we start to see the beauty that is within ourselves. I know that when I started to feel more confident, I started to feel more comfortable about my appearance. I changed who I associated with & in turn, I started to hang out with those I knew weren’t going to judge me. It was then I started putting on blush, doing my nails and hair; I wasn’t afraid to take as many risks.

If there is one thing I have learned over the course of a few years, is that if I’m going to do something, it has to be for myself, no one else.

I met my boyfriend out of nowhere…and it was one of the greatest blessings I’ve ever had. The day I met him, I didn’t have any makeup on… it was on a hot July afternoon. My hair was loose, curly, frizzy and out of place and I was a sweaty mess. But I knew that I had to talk to him…I just had to, although my friend gave me the courage to. Now.. .he could have seen how I looked and turned me away, but he didn’t. We exchanged numbers, hung out, and now almost three years later, we are still together & very happy!

So to the person who posted that secret, how’s about putting yourself in your friend’s shoes? I believe that although sometimes tough love is the key to good advice, it can be just downright hurtful. Also, maybe that person is single because she hasn’t met the right person yet; he’s probably right under her nose and she hasn’t realized it yet.

It’s true what my mother says, “The best things happen when we are not looking, when we least expect it.” When we are sad and at our lowest, it’s hard to see the good around us and the fact that better things will come our way.  And she was right, as hard as it was to admit. 

Do you agree with the notion that we have to change our appearance in order to find love? Are we really that visual? Or was the person being a jerk?

Until next time! 

different disney perspective.

As everyone knows, I am a Disney princess fanatic! From as far as I can remember, I’ve always loved Disney movies, especially those pertaining to fairy tales. 

I especially became excited when Jewel Moore, a plus-size teenager from Virginia, made a petition on change.org to The Walt Disney Company to create a plus-size Disney Princess character. I believe that is about time a plus-size Disney princess character is created. I feel that Disney should have a character that we can all relate to especially physically.

I was too young to notice that these Disney Princesses were thinner than me; all I cared about were the songs and the love story. But over 20 years later, times are definitely different. Let’s get real… we live in an extremely shallow society where different isn’t always embraced nicely and where children and teens are bullied beyond the playground. 

What doesn’t make sense to me is that if the average size of Americans is a size 14, then why is a big deal if there is a plus-size Disney princess? It’s true that children are impressionable and are influenced easily… they’re children; that’s how it is! If a child watches a Disney movie where the protagonist is heavier, does that mean the child will want to gain weight? These are some of the concerns that parents may have. If this is the case, then it is up to the parent or guardian to explain to their children that the movie is fiction; it is simply not real. 

Why are some of the reasons Disney won’t create a plus-size Disney princess? Besides the point I just established, I feel that there will be controversy. For example, there is the possibility that one will bring up the issue that if there is a plus-size Disney princess, then what kind of Disney princesses will there be? Will there be a lesbian Disney princess next? What kind of envelopes will be pushed next? While it does not seem to be a big deal, people tend to look at some works in between the lines.

Frozen, a Walt Disney picture film, released in 2013 focuses on two sisters, Elsa and Anna and their relationship. I will not give the movie away, but what some have accused the film of having lesbian undertones. Honestly, how disgusting is that? I have two younger sisters that I love very much. Why is it that sisterly love cannot be just that? That’s really disturbing to me.

There are issues that I feel that Disney can tackle. Why can’t be there be a plus-size Disney princess who is bullied? Or a princess who is dying of a terminal illness and sets out on a journey to find the cure? Disney fairy tale movies are known for the following: Princess has a villain who is real hater, meets the man of her dreams, has to tackle a challenge to get what she wants. I believe that The Walt Disney Company does not understand the concept that time has changed. While Frozen strayed from the formula a great deal, a lot can still be done. 

It is just not fair that a young girl who is more overweight feels that there is no one who she can relate to. There needs to be more in the media that all girls can relate to. 

I would like to know what you think… Do you think Disney should create a plus-size princess? Why or why not? And also, if Disney were to create new characters, which should Disney create? I’d love to read your thoughts.

Thanks again for your support in reading my blog. Until next time!

Also, below is the link to Jewel Moore’s petition, in case you were interested in seeking additional information.

http://www.change.org/petitions/the-walt-disney-company-make-plus-size-princesses-in-disney-movies