sundays of summer.

Hello Everyone!

I hope the summer has been kind to all of you as it has been to me. This summer has been great for the most part; I have spent time with my friends, family, and boyfriend. In fact, my boyfriend and I celebrated our 3rd year anniversary by taking a mini-vacation to Atlantic City and also by seeing Aladdin on Broadway.

I made a list of goals to achieve by the end of the summer. Although I may not achieve all of the goals by the end of the summer, there is a greater lesson that I am learning. This lesson is to let go and just live. I took some time and reflected; honestly, I knew that things had to change. I sat back and thought to myself, “What am I doing?” I knew that I could do much better in many aspects. The problem with this thought and reflection is that by putting myself through this unnecessary guilt, I am not living. I am literally sitting there, wondering what I could have done, instead of bettering myself in the process.

I read a quote on Instagram that really spoke to me, “I stopped looking for the light. I decided to become it instead.” To me, the quote means I stopped looking for a way out, a solution to the problem. The solution to my life’s issues lies within myself. And I am determined to succeed and prosper.

Summer 2014 has a deeper meaning for me for another reason. August 8th marked the 20th anniversary of my grandfather’s passing. There isn’t a day where I don’t think about him. My grandfather was truly a gem in my world, a symbol of fatherly love at its finest. When he passed away, I felt a part of myself die as well, even at seven years old. Overtime, I grew not to trust many people, out of fear that they would leave. Would someone leave just because I trusted them, or would they leave because they didn’t like me; these were some of the questions I asked myself on a constant basis.

However, it was not until I met my boyfriend that I grew to love and trust. And I thank him everyday for coming into my life and helping me become a better person.

I made a goal to live- I want to do things that I have never done before, that both excite me and scare me. And this is exactly what I have been doing. When Tyrone and I went to Atlantic City, there was a sense of tranquility and happiness that I had never possessed up until that moment. Going to Coney Island, being with my friends, spending more time with my loved ones… this is what living is about.

Now we are in August- this is known as the Sunday of summer. I want to spend the rest of my summer doing what I love to do most- writing and being with my loved ones, exploring new and exciting places in New York City.

I hope that you all are doing what makes you happiest. We all deserve the chance to be happy and to smile.

Thank you for your support and for reading.

Until next time!

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what change?

Yesterday, my boyfriend and I went to Chinatown for the first time together. For me, it was the first time in over eight years that I had been there.

My boyfriend and I took the 6 train downtown to Canal Street. We walked through Chinatown and I could not help but to take pictures of what was around me. There were lots of souvenirs, phone cases, t-shirts, apple accessories. The aroma was fresh, a mix of seafood and fruit. I had to walk over and explore the various seafood around me. I could not believe it, some had lobster 3 for $39 & $6.95 for a pound of shrimp, which is insanely cheap to me. We tried bubble tea at the Maid Cafe. I loved my passion fruit tea.

After walking to various little shops, we turned left and right and ended up walking through a court area. There was a detention center where there was a bail bonds across the street. Up until that point, I didn’t know this existed in Chinatown. Maybe Chinatown didn’t change so much in 8 years, as I previously thought; I just wasn’t as observant. The reason I thought Chinatown changed was because I saw more shops the first time. This time around, I saw a couple of Dunkin Dounts, a Burger King, and even a Popeyes. I never thought that I would see that in Chinatown. I guess I’m being one-dimensional and ignorant so to speak. My boyfriend bought up a great point, something so obvious… he said, “Estelle, people change, things change, times change.” I just let that thought sink in… oh that “wicked” word CHANGE. He’s right…People change, places change, relationships change. Change is something that I am definitely NOT used to.

Walking through Chinatown, I did see somethings that I reminded me of my childhood and of the things that my cousins and me saw in the store fronts. I saw the green and yellow toy frogs in the plastic bucket swimming in the dirty water, toy dolls with tangled hair singing and moving out loud; I even saw little live turtles moving in their plastic boxes, the same ones my mom still won’t buy because she says they carry disease. It’s crazy how a couple of hours could bring back years of memories. I started to remember my family and the Saturdays we spent together in Third Avenue. I used to hate waking up Saturday morning and having to walk the same stretch of a few blocks to shop at Conway, Youngland, Bunnies, Cookies, Victorias, and the notorious Conway , C&C Department Store, and Ray Store. Now I’m 27 years old and I miss those days; those days where I saw my immediate family on the constant basis. Life is easier, drama minimal. But like my boyfriend says, people change, times change.

Now I am working on building my own memories. It doesn’t hurt to think of the good times, but what makes it hurt is if we make those past memories our world and don’t seek to build new ones.

And that is exactly what I’m doing. Exploring what is around me and making awesome new memories!

Here are some of the pics from yesterday’s adventure in Chinatown. Till next time!

Thank you for reading and for your support!

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