Tag Archives: trust

feel, don’t conceal.

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Like many people, I was stunned to find out that Robin Williams passed away on Monday, August 11, 2014. I was at Madison Square Park with my boyfriend when I read the news on Facebook. My stomach turned and I began to feel nauseous. I couldn’t believe it. Robin Williams was gone; he committed suicide. Williams reminded me of the awesome uncle everyone loved and the father everyone wanted to have. I remember watching Mrs. Doubtfire at seven years old; I wanted a father like him.

So I’m on Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram reading people’s comments regarding Robin Williams’ passing. Many people expressed their sympathy to his family. But I couldn’t help but notice and read some of the heartless, mean, and cruel comments others posted. What bothered me the most was that some called Williams a coward. I couldn’t believe that! Like how dare they? Of course Robin Williams never knew me, but I felt some need to defend him.

Robin Williams is a coward because he committed suicide?!? That has to be one of the most insensitive, stupidest comments I have ever read! Who knows what was playing through Williams’ minds at those final moments. When I think about it, I feel that he felt he had no recourse, no other way to escape.

Williams’ struggled with depression and drug/alcohol abuse throughout his life. I can’t imagine being in his shoes. To have to perform for thousands of people and make movies where I know people are going to judge me no matter what… I don’t think that I would have been able to handle that kind of burden. Williams’ appeared to be happy in front of the camera, but his smile concealed so much more.

I am not a Hollywood starlet, but to some extent, I can relate to Williams’ struggle. There were periods in my life where getting out of bed was a challenge. I would just stare at the ceiling, feeling hopeless, not looking forward to anything in life. I know most of my struggles came from being bullied and teased as a child and in my early teens. People say, “Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me.” But guess what…words really do hurt! When people called me fat, ugly, blubber, flubber, fat thing… that hurt! I hated going to school… I hated anything that had to do with physical activity. That hatred and bitterness carried over for years, even into my adulthood.

I became so bitter and angry at everything around me, I knew it was time to get counseling. I hung out with my friends and family, but I wasn’t happy. I smiled, but it masked my sadness. It was hard admitting that I had negative feelings and that I needed help. To carry the negative feelings seemed much easier than telling someone how I felt. I thought that by telling someone my feelings and struggles, that person would pretend to help me and then judge me behind my back. I knew that in order to accept help, I had to open my heart, but more importantly, I had to trust- that was the most challenging part. I don’t regret going out of my comfort zone and getting counseling; it is one of the best decisions I have ever made.

If you or someone you know is depressed and struggling, please do not be afraid to seek help. You are not a coward if you seek help; you will be saving your life and will be making yourself healthier and stronger in the process.

I dedicate this post to Robin Williams. Thank you for making me laugh and smile. You will always be Genie.

 

Until Next Time…

 

—Stelly

 

blues.

Posted in Life by

I was on twitter yesterday morning and I was reading tweets from Robert Kardashian, Jr. He posted the following, “I’m aware that I’m fat that def aint a surprise to me lol and my only therapy will be in the gym anyways had to say somethingggggggggg.” 

I couldn’t help but feel sympathetic towards Rob. I don’t know him from a hole in the wall, but I can’t imagine having thousands, maybe millions of people tweeting about me, talking about how I look and/or how ugly I may look. Going back to my post from Sunday, I don’t need to mirror to see how I look. I know I’m plus-size, but guess what? I’m awesome! I’m beautiful! I’m intelligent! It’s just too bad that there are those who believe that beauty has specifications; as a result, they see what size pants I wear and not the size of my heart.

Up until recently, I avoided many retail stores because I thought I wouldn’t look good in the clothes. Let me tell you, that’s no way to live. To live in constant fear of being teased, of having people stare and whisper right in front of you… it sucks. It’s hard for me because people have done this to me, but I can’t let my past dictate my present and my future. It felt good to walk into Old Navy and H&M and check out their clothes. I treated myself to few tops and I even took pictures in the shirts. I felt so liberated; I didn’t have a care in the world! It never hurts to try on different things and to treat oneself. Right now, I’m in love with my new Victoria Secret lipsticks. I love matching my makeup to my new outfits. I’m loving myself and the skin that I’m allowing myself to be in.

As hard as it is to do, I had to admit that I was hurt from my past. What people said to me and the things that were done to me hurt. To smile and essentially hide from the pain isn’t the answer. As a perfectionist, it’s hard to admit when I’m struggling. I’m exactly what the word means- I want to be perfect. But there is no such thing as perfect- all we can do is try our best and achieve what we believe is right for ourselves. I’m grateful to have family that I can confide in. I have a boyfriend who I trust, who I can share my struggles with. When it comes to positivity, I make sure that I surround myself with those that I have my best interest.

It’s funny how years ago, it mattered how many Myspace and Facebook friends I had. Now in my late 20’s and I can honestly say that I rather have a smaller circle and be happy than have hundreds of friends who don’t give a shit about me. 

Until next time!

 

Note: Robert Kardashian, Jr. has since deleted the mentioned tweet. I obtained the tweet from the following website: http://www.people.com/article/rob-kardashian-fat-comments-twitter

 

 

What’s The Limit?

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I’m watching the Real Housewives of Atlanta Reunion Part II encore as we speak. I’ve been preparing for this week’s blog, thinking what to blog about this week.

The altercation between Porsha Williams & Kenya Moore was messed up… let’s be real. It was messed up for Kenya Moore to be pushed to the ground, hair pulled in front of millions of people so to speak. But honestly, I felt even more for Porsha. She said it herself, “I’ve embarrassed myself! I let her get to me!” In fact Porsha was right, she let Kenya get to her, and in the worst way.

What happened between Porsha & Kenya happens to us in our everyday lives… how you may ask?

Ever had that one person, that “villain” who always gets under your skin? That one person who will antagonize you and instigate an argument like no other. This person can be a co-worker, boss, or even a family member. Unfortunately, I’ve had all three people serve as villains. I’ve had that “limit” that “breaking point” where things got so intense, I’ve ran away in tears; I could not help it. It was either I run away and hide in tears, or I smack someone. Personally, I’d rather run away from the situation at that moment than smack someone in the face and regret it, but also deal with the consequences.

I cannot imagine what was going on in Porsha’s mind. All the things she has been going through: her divorce, things people say online, and someone antagonizing her… of course she exploded! I believe it when she told Bravo Host Andy Cohen that she “just blacked out.” Yes when someone is that angry, that happens; I’ve been there! I feel that Porsha had no time to cool down, to “run away” from the situation and that’s why she exploded.

I was thinking of what I’ve been through, of the situations that my loved ones have been through, and I’ve thought of ways that maybe situations like those could be prevented in the future:

  • Talk To Someone: When things get rocky for me, I talk to people who I trust. I speak to my grandmother and my mother and ask them for advice. Even if I may not like what they say, it feels good just to vent. I know my mother and grandmother have lots of life experiences and I trust their opinions. I also speak to my best friends and my boyfriend because I know they have my back and they always provide a fresh prospective.
  • Social Media Filter: I’m guilty of this, but venting on social media isn’t always the best thing, especially when the person who you are feeling a certain way  is following you on facebook, twitter, instagram, etc. Try very hard not to compose posts directed at them. If there are people whose posts are bothering you that badly, facebook has the “unfollow” option which I will tell you, saved me from being utterly annoyed tonight.
  • Talking It Out: If you feel that you have to talk it out, then maybe you should confront that person. I believe that one prospers more with sugar than with vinegar. Approach the person… go get a cup of coffee, not liquor as it could cause things to further escalate. Be forthright and convey to the person why you are feeling this way and how the situation could be fixed. If the relationship cannot be salvaged, then there’s definitely that option of not having to be around each other or if it’s a family matter, agree to be cordial and move on.
  • Block &/Or Unfriend: Sometimes, blocking and unfriending is the best option. There are those who we can’t be friends with and we’re probably not meant to be friends with. My mother tells me all the time… not everything nor everyone is important. Being an outgoing person, that’s a hard adage to follow. I always want to talk to people and be friends with them. But also I had to realize who is really my friend and who will really have my back. Unfortunately, I’m not friends with some people anymore, but it’s best that way. I’ve found that by not speaking with certain people, I’m definitely less stressed out. I don’t need to unnecessary stress in my life.

 

I’d like to think that we are all the protagonists whose lives serve as the plot of our story. It is up to us to determine which characters will be in our plots and also their degree of importance. What’s most important is that we learn from our mistakes and from those around us. It’s those life decisions that serve as lessons.

 

Until next week!