blogger | ohsnapitsstelly.

original draft post from 2018:

i cannot believe 2018 is almost ever. we shouldn’t even be in 2018. it feels like we should still be in 1999 and freaking out over y2k.

flash forward to 2019:

I’m a few months away from turning the #patrickewing number age, 33. Time flies so fast, as cliché as it seems, it’s so true.

Twenty years ago I was in my grandmother’s kitchen complaining about homework. My grandmother looked at me and distinctly said, “Enjoy your youth because time is going by fast and will get faster as you get older. Enjoy having homework and going to school.”

What my grandmother said is as true now as ever. It’s been nearly 10 years since I graduated college and I’m ready for new beginnings.

Truth be told, my mind was in a big sigh, a big cloud of insecurity. I spent so much time wanting the marriage, the perfect nuclear family, that I let many opportunities pass and I spent years with someone who was not right for me.

I was discouraged for a very long time, but I read somewhere that if I want to achieve my goals, there will never be a time limit. Writing and Creating have always been in my heart and I know that it’s my life’s calling. I continuously hung up the phone, but not anymore- that’s done with.

It’s so easy to see the things that I haven’t accomplished, that I overlook the great things that’s happened:

I got my BA in Creative Writing- I got my degree studying what I truly love.
I left a job that was completely toxic after nearly a decade there.
I’m working in an industry that I love and have met great people.
I distanced myself from toxic people, including family, who are a trigger for my anxiety.

I’m hoping that by telling you all the good things that have happened, that it’s an inspiration. It’s hard to be hopeful at times, especially when it seems like things will never get better.

It’s been such a long time since I posted here, but I thank everyone who has been supportive and views my blog.

Hey Everyone!

I hope you all have been enjoying the year so far!

If there is a lesson that I have learned in the past few months is that I have to come to terms with certain things.

There are people who I will probably never have a great relationship with, no matter how I hard I try… the best thing to do is to move forward and focus on the people I do love and know have my back. It’s not easy to walk away- forever the optimist & perfectionist, I always try to get along with everyone. However, I realize that when the same people constantly upset me and make me feel negative, I knew that I had to pull the plug.

I had to learn that I come first- my happiness and inner peace come above all else. In trying to please others and make others happy, I put myself on the backburner. Little by little, I started to notice that I was not happy, but furthermore, my negativity started to funk up other aspects of my life. It was not until I spoke with one of my best friends, I realized that things had to change.

For many years, I self-shamed myself and made myself feel bad about being overweight. I would google articles about losing weight and try to find the fastest way to lose weight. I could google and write down anything I wanted, but if I didn’t change my eating habits, of course I wasn’t going to lose any weight. Right now, I’m becoming healthier at my own pace and in my own way. The only competition I am in is with no one. Recently, I bought a Veggetti Pro, which is a vegetable spiralizer. I was able to create my own zucchini spaghetti, which is awesome! As of last week, I am down nearly 10 lbs since my heaviest weight. A lesson to remember is that change doesn’t happen overnight- change is progressive- the worst thing one can do to themselves is make a change, then expect a complete 180 in a day. Believe me, it’s not going to happen in an instant- but with hard work and persistence, it will happen.

We can get so frustrated with the world & so overwhelmed, it’s easy to get angry and want to give up.

I had to spend time with myself (something I’m completely not used to) and rethink things. I started to realize that in order for things to change for me, I had to reflect on the following:

What got me here?
How do I want to get out of it?
What am I afraid of?
What sacrifices do I have to make?
Who do I trust?

Out of the 5 questions mentioned, number 5 was by far the hardest. How do I ask for advice… more importantly, how do I tell someone that I’m struggling without looking like a failure? It’s a challenge to admit that I need help sometimes. Nevertheless, I confided in those closest to me… the best therapy is having loved ones- either it be friends, family, & close coworkers, knowing that they have your back.

Remember that we are not meant to carry the world on our shoulders.

As challenging as life can get, we have the right to be happy & if that means making changes- then let it so be it.

I know that some of the changes I’m making are pretty scary- but I wouldn’t have it any other way.

So with that being said, I’m really looking forward to what the rest of 2016 has to offer.