what change?

Posted in Uncategorized by Stelly Marie

Yesterday, my boyfriend and I went to Chinatown for the first time together. For me, it was the first time in over eight years that I had been there.

My boyfriend and I took the 6 train downtown to Canal Street. We walked through Chinatown and I could not help but to take pictures of what was around me. There were lots of souvenirs, phone cases, t-shirts, apple accessories. The aroma was fresh, a mix of seafood and fruit. I had to walk over and explore the various seafood around me. I could not believe it, some had lobster 3 for $39 & $6.95 for a pound of shrimp, which is insanely cheap to me. We tried bubble tea at the Maid Cafe. I loved my passion fruit tea.

After walking to various little shops, we turned left and right and ended up walking through a court area. There was a detention center where there was a bail bonds across the street. Up until that point, I didn’t know this existed in Chinatown. Maybe Chinatown didn’t change so much in 8 years, as I previously thought; I just wasn’t as observant. The reason I thought Chinatown changed was because I saw more shops the first time. This time around, I saw a couple of Dunkin Dounts, a Burger King, and even a Popeyes. I never thought that I would see that in Chinatown. I guess I’m being one-dimensional and ignorant so to speak. My boyfriend bought up a great point, something so obvious… he said, “Estelle, people change, things change, times change.” I just let that thought sink in… oh that “wicked” word CHANGE. He’s right…People change, places change, relationships change. Change is something that I am definitely NOT used to.

Walking through Chinatown, I did see somethings that I reminded me of my childhood and of the things that my cousins and me saw in the store fronts. I saw the green and yellow toy frogs in the plastic bucket swimming in the dirty water, toy dolls with tangled hair singing and moving out loud; I even saw little live turtles moving in their plastic boxes, the same ones my mom still won’t buy because she says they carry disease. It’s crazy how a couple of hours could bring back years of memories. I started to remember my family and the Saturdays we spent together in Third Avenue. I used to hate waking up Saturday morning and having to walk the same stretch of a few blocks to shop at Conway, Youngland, Bunnies, Cookies, Victorias, and the notorious Conway , C&C Department Store, and Ray Store. Now I’m 27 years old and I miss those days; those days where I saw my immediate family on the constant basis. Life is easier, drama minimal. But like my boyfriend says, people change, times change.

Now I am working on building my own memories. It doesn’t hurt to think of the good times, but what makes it hurt is if we make those past memories our world and don’t seek to build new ones.

And that is exactly what I’m doing. Exploring what is around me and making awesome new memories!

Here are some of the pics from yesterday’s adventure in Chinatown. Till next time!

Thank you for reading and for your support!

20Apr2014

WHAT IS IT LIKE TO BE IN LOVE?

Posted in Uncategorized by Stelly Marie

This is a great list of how one feels when he/she is in love… I can definitely tell all of you that this is definitely true!

ANAMI BLOG

Source Pinterest

Love supposed to be the most powerful spiritual experience that most of us will have in our lifetimes. So, what does it feel like? How does it change us? According to the Kama Sutra some of the answers are the following:

You feel accepted and understood.
You feel more complete, as if an invisible presence is filling you up.
You imagine that you can do anything – life is suddenly open to all possibilities.
You experience ecstasy in ordinary things: a glance, the touch of a hand, light falling on your beloved’s face.
Your self is expanded far beyond the petty limitations that were so confining before you fell in love.

There are many more shifts in awareness that lovers experience, and these are not at all limited “just” for the lovers. It applies to love in general, when you love your life, your family, but most importantly…

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18Apr2014

the 90s kids.

Posted in Uncategorized by Stelly Marie

For my extra blog post this week, I thought that I would do something different and post a poem. I haven’t written a poem since I was an undergrad; I hope you all enjoy.

The 90s Kids

Who am I? I’m the 90’s kid.

I am the kid who would wake up at 6:30 AM to watch Sailor Moon on Cartoon Network.

I am the kid who put on her tight brown and white plaid jumper everyday for school, who would have to go to class before 8:40 in order not to be late.

I am the kid who watched Mighty Morphin Power Rangers and pretended to be Rita in the school yard during recess.

I am the kid who loved Barney and swore he was my best friend. Lamb Chop, Hush Puppy, and Charlie Horse were my friends and Sherri Lewis was their awesome mom.

I am the kid who cherished Lisa Frank and the Yikes pencils when my mom bought them for me; I swore I was the coolest girl.

I am the kid who used her allowance to buy the first Spice Girls album and the first Emimen LP, Slim Shady.

I am the kid who broke my mother’s cd walkman every few months because my Jansport would crush it.

I am the kid who watched Snick every Saturday night and wanted to hang out with the cast of All That.

I am the kid who dreamed that I would find my own Dawson Leery and swore Felicity was my long-lost older sister.

I am the kid who could not wait to grow up.

It’s not the 90s anymore. Twenty-four years have went.

I am the 90s kid in the new generation.

The 90s will forever reign.

13Apr2014

different disney perspective.

Posted in Uncategorized by Stelly Marie

As everyone knows, I am a Disney princess fanatic! From as far as I can remember, I’ve always loved Disney movies, especially those pertaining to fairy tales.

I especially became excited when Jewel Moore, a plus-size teenager from Virginia, made a petition on change.org to The Walt Disney Company to create a plus-size Disney Princess character. I believe that is about time a plus-size Disney princess character is created. I feel that Disney should have a character that we can all relate to especially physically.

I was too young to notice that these Disney Princesses were thinner than me; all I cared about were the songs and the love story. But over 20 years later, times are definitely different. Let’s get real… we live in an extremely shallow society where different isn’t always embraced nicely and where children and teens are bullied beyond the playground.

What doesn’t make sense to me is that if the average size of Americans is a size 14, then why is a big deal if there is a plus-size Disney princess? It’s true that children are impressionable and are influenced easily… they’re children; that’s how it is! If a child watches a Disney movie where the protagonist is heavier, does that mean the child will want to gain weight? These are some of the concerns that parents may have. If this is the case, then it is up to the parent or guardian to explain to their children that the movie is fiction; it is simply not real.

Why are some of the reasons Disney won’t create a plus-size Disney princess? Besides the point I just established, I feel that there will be controversy. For example, there is the possibility that one will bring up the issue that if there is a plus-size Disney princess, then what kind of Disney princesses will there be? Will there be a lesbian Disney princess next? What kind of envelopes will be pushed next? While it does not seem to be a big deal, people tend to look at some works in between the lines.

Frozen, a Walt Disney picture film, released in 2013 focuses on two sisters, Elsa and Anna and their relationship. I will not give the movie away, but what some have accused the film of having lesbian undertones. Honestly, how disgusting is that? I have two younger sisters that I love very much. Why is it that sisterly love cannot be just that? That’s really disturbing to me.

There are issues that I feel that Disney can tackle. Why can’t be there be a plus-size Disney princess who is bullied? Or a princess who is dying of a terminal illness and sets out on a journey to find the cure? Disney fairy tale movies are known for the following: Princess has a villain who is real hater, meets the man of her dreams, has to tackle a challenge to get what she wants. I believe that The Walt Disney Company does not understand the concept that time has changed. While Frozen strayed from the formula a great deal, a lot can still be done.

It is just not fair that a young girl who is more overweight feels that there is no one who she can relate to. There needs to be more in the media that all girls can relate to.

I would like to know what you think… Do you think Disney should create a plus-size princess? Why or why not? And also, if Disney were to create new characters, which should Disney create? I’d love to read your thoughts.

Thanks again for your support in reading my blog. Until next time!

Also, below is the link to Jewel Moore’s petition, in case you were interested in seeking additional information.

http://www.change.org/petitions/the-walt-disney-company-make-plus-size-princesses-in-disney-movies

6Apr2014

oh snap, it’s been over a year!

Posted in Uncategorized by Stelly Marie

Hey Everyone!

Happy Belated 2014… as you can see, it’s been over a year since I posted my last blog. Honestly, I let so many things stop me from doing what I wanted, it’s unbelievable! And the thing is that it was ALL me! I can’t blame anyone else for what obstacles I put myself through. I let my fears and insecurities stop me from doing a lot of things, especially writing. Something just died in me; I became a different person. I cannot quite explain it as I feel like it was a deep sleep.

Recently, I was thinking about my “funk” and what I could do to fix it. Literally, I heard a click in my mind and I thought about this notion… after I graduated from college, which was back in May 2010. I thought that life would fall into place, like one of those “becoming of age” movies. In the end of this movie, all my conflicts would be resolved and all loose ends would be tied. There would be no more problems. All great ideas and solutions would be in the palm of my hands, preferably left. I would have found the perfect man, moved into my fabulous, well-furnished West Village apartment- everything would be perfect. However, things became the exact opposite. I became so frustrated with life that I just stopped doing the very hobbies that made me happy: going on long walks, reading, just to name a few.

I decided that by doing the very things that made me happy would make me become the person that I once was and much more. I’ve started to re-connect with friends that I haven’t seen in a really long time; I can’t make up for the past but I am creating a more positive future. I’ve also decided to distance myself from some people and their negative attitudes. The following adage is valid, “In saying no to others, you are saying yes to yourself.” As hard as it is to say no to others for fear that they’re going to talk about you or not continue to be your friends, it’s mandatory that you put yourself first. I think of it this way, whoever is really there for me will stick around for the whole journey, not when it is merely convenient. In saying yes to people almost 99.9% of the time, I lost myself. Becoming consumed with work, going home, going to sleep…. and doing NOTHING in between. This routine felt recycled, repetitive and was and is definitely not for me.

Right now, I am focusing on myself and doing what’s right. I am writing more. For the first ever, I’ve finished a journal. I will have some stories and poems that I will share with you all. I hope to have my pieces published; that’s my main goal.

I also want to do something called, “The 90’s Box.” It is a project where I am going to collect 90’s memorabilia and write about its significance.

I look forward to sharing my new materials with you all and I hope you enjoy reading my work as much as I enjoy writing and sharing my work.

Until next time!

10Mar2013

oh snap she didn’t!

Posted in Uncategorized by Stelly Marie

These past couple of months have been both surprising and challenging…

I’ve lost over 10 lbs since the end of December and I’m very excited. With the help of Weight Watchers and a great leader, I’m addressing my weight issues and my insecurities. It’s hard to talk about my weight and my issues, but I know that in order to move forward, I must address my past, and what has led me to this point, both good and bad.

I had an endoscopy to determine why I’ve been having chronic stomach pain for the past few months. I was put under local anthesia in order to have the endoscopy done. Honestly, I made a bigger deal out of it than it needed to be. Since it was since something I never had done, I was freaking out. I thought the worst things were going to happen. What if there were complications, what if I wasn’t going to wake up? Those were the thoughts that were running through my mind. A week after the endoscopy was done It was determined that I have chronic gastritis. Thus, I have to stay away from alcohol and very spicy foods.

I also had my role removed last month. It was getting to the point where having it was uncomfortable. It was something I had to do. When I was laying down to have the mole removed, All I could think of was this was the beginning of an era. I knew that if I could have the mole removed, I could do anything.

Something that has stuck out to me was a quote that a fellow Weight Watcher had said a few weeks ago:

We please others first not to please them, but to protect our image. We want to show others that we are the best, even at our expense.

It just shows at the end of the day, we have to put ourselves first regardless of what others will think. In order to prosper, we have to not only be happy with ourselves, but also confident.

6Jan2013

new year, new mission.

Posted in Uncategorized by Stelly Marie

Every year, I always say the same things: I’m going to lose weight, I’m going to do better, blah blah blah. This year, I’m going to follow my heart and do what’s right for myself- not for this person or that person. Someone close to my heart told me that I’m not as happy as I should be because I always do the right thing for others; I put other people’s happiness ahead of my own, which is true. I’m not perfect- I never said I was. However, I associate myself with people who have continued to hurt me in the past. This year, my mission is to be more aware of people and situations. I’m not one to completely cut myself off of people. In fact it is the hardest thing for me to do. I know that this is the best thing for me to do… so little by little, I will distance myself from certain people and their negativity.

Another thing I’ve been thinking about is my weight- I always say I’m going to lose weight… another blah blah blah… this year my mission is to do healthier things and do great things, things I haven’t done before. I want to walk across the Brooklyn Bridge- I want to go to more places. I recently purchased two t-shirts that I had been looking for years and it felt great! I love to do what I want- be in my own skin. I started going back to Weight Watchers- my weight has been going up and down, but I love going to the meetings regardless. I have learned from these meetings that there are people who are not judgmental. There are people out there who go through the same struggles that I go through. I love my leader- slowly I am becoming the person who I want to be… not the person others want me to be.

I’m truly looking forward to this year. I have the feeling that this year is going to be great and full of fantastic experiences. But I do know that there will be challenges too.

Cheers to the New Year everyone!

26Dec2012

hello and goodbye

Posted in Uncategorized by Stelly Marie

It’s been a really really long time since I’ve blogged. So many things that happened over the last few months, it’s hard to describe each moment.

The biggest lesson I’ve learned this year is that one cannot bask in negativity. By thriving in negativity, nothing good can come out of it. I’ve experienced this through my encounters with certain people. Just because I knew these people, didn’t mean that they had my best interest at heart. The best thing to do is to walk away and learn from it. By not talking to certain people, it gave me the chance to think… to put my passions into something else and focus on relationships that really matter, that make a difference.

Time isn’t promised to everyone and especially with the death of my cousin Felipe, I learned that each second must be cherished. At any moment, time can cease to exist. As hard as this is, I am trying to take each day and do something I was supposed to do and not put it off, but also, I am taking the time to reflect on what I’ve done, what I’m supposed to do.

It’s so hard to compose my feelings. Ever had that moment when the ball is on your court, so to speak, and you can’t for the life of you say what’s on your mind? Well, that’s how I feel right now.

19Feb2012

ignorantly speaking.

Posted in Uncategorized by Stelly Marie

Two situations happened in the course of a couple days apart. Below is the recap of what happened to me on Wednesday and last night.

The Original Blog Post called, Ignorance Is Bliss, composed Wednesday, February 15, 2012…

Ignorance Is Bliss
Often, people are judged based on their appearance, religion, or orientation.

As an adult, I’ve already been faced with discrimination because of my weight.

When I was younger, my grandmother used to say, “Estelle, if people call you fat, you simply reply, I know… I have a mirror. ” Being a young girl, I was too afraid to speak up. A part of me wanted to yell and shout, but another part of me didn’t want the drama. I just wanted to be left alone.

Now, when I was teased for being overweight as a child, it hurt. Let’s face it though, kids are kids. At one point or another, children are going to tease and are going to be teased…at least that’s the mentality I have developed overtime.

However, it hurts more as an adult. I want to think that as an adult, teasing and bullying wouldn’t exist anymore for me. Then comes the occasional smirk from a younger kid or an teen. It’s situations such as those that prevented me from dressing the way I wanted. I didn’t want to be stared at or laughed at. Let’s just be real, I felt ugly and I felt that I wasn’t pretty. Why even bother wearing certain clothes if I wasn’t meant to wear it. With that, I let random strangers whom I didn’t know intimidate me- and that in itself is sad.

As I am writing this blog, it is 9:13 AM. There is a random older female staring at me. She is the reason I am writing this blog.

Often on public transportation, we are faced with homeless people who harass others for money, others who smell like an onion field, and those who are just plain mean, to name a few. This morning, a seat became available on the train. I knew there was space for me on the train. However, when there are two “men” who do not want to close their legs and a woman who looks so bitchy and nasty, sitting down may be a problem. I guess you know where I am going with this… I thanked the “man” next to me for moving over and I was greeted with curse words from both this person and the woman. I continued to listen to my i-pod. I’m not going to lie, I was hurt. But I felt that if I had gotten up, I would have let them win. I will not let people, let alone strangers continue to hurt my feelings and take my energy.

In fact, I should thank these people for giving me experiences I can learn from and share with the world.

—Now this was Wednesday’s blog… check out my addition!

Last night, I didn’t know whether to laugh or curse…

I was walking with my mom, sister, cousin, and boyfriend after visiting my grandmother to look for a cab. My mom quickly spotted a cab and wanted to go inside. However, I didn’t wanted to walk with my boyfriend. My cousin graciously offered to walk with him to the train station. So I went in the cab with my mom and sis.

The cab driver looked very annoyed. I can understand why he looked annoyed- he wasn’t sure if he was going to get a fare. The cab driver turned around and looked at my mom and strongly said, “Is it because I am not Dominican that you didn’t want to go in my cab?” Honestly, I knew that this was the beginning of something bad, because my mom looked at him as if she were going to punch him in the face. Her face said it all. I knew the daggers were on!

However, my mom isn’t one to let people absorb her energy… My mom just simply said, “What does being Dominican have to do with anything. I am not Dominican. My address is…” The cab driver then says, “I know how YOU Dominicans are!” Again, my mom says, “My address is…” The rest of the 15 minutes were in that cab were left in utter silence. My response to the situation was to meerly write on Facebook, “Shit.Just.Got.Real.” I didn’t know what else to say.

When the cab stopped in front of my apartment building, the cab driver kept instigating saying, “I know how YOU Dominicans are!” I give my mother credit for not yelling at the cab driver. All I did was laugh at what he was saying. That’s the only reaction I have.

I dedicate this blog to my cousin Tuti who unexpectedly passed away this afternoon at the age of 31. This serves as the message that tomorrow isn’t promised to anyone. As a family, we must be united, despite the good moments and bad moments. I love you guys!

12Feb2012

doc tips.

Posted in Uncategorized by Stelly Marie

If anyone knows me, I’m either at work, in the city, or at Lincoln Hospital. It sucks, but hey let’s face it, I get sick more often than others.

There are a few things I have learned in preparing to the doctor, both from family and friends… So today, I am going to share these tips with you.

Have a Notebook: A notebook is not just for the everyday writer. Have a small notebook, with your information written down. Just make sure you don’t lose it. Have information written down such as: emergency contact information, directions how to get to the doctor. I suggest going to www.hopstop.com for looking up directions. Also, have your insurance information written down in case you don’t have your card.
Have Cell Phone Charged: This is very very very important. Have your cellphone charged before you go to the doctor. One never knows what is going to happen. Worst case senario is that you stay in the hospital longer than expected, and can’t make it to work or you need someone to pick you up.
If You Don’t Have The Phone Then…: Have change, seriously! My grandmother always tells me to have at least a couple of dollars in quarters, and $2o. If your cell phone dies, then at least you will have change to call someone if needed. The $20 should be carried in case you aren’t feeling well, and don’t want to take public transportation and want to take a cab instead. Also, if you want to buy something to eat, and the establishment doesn’t take credit and/or debit cards, you will be prepared.
Always Know What Medications You Are Taking: My grandmother always tells me to carry and prescriptions I am taking to the doctor with me, especially the ER. However, I didn’t realize the importance until I went to my last doctor’s important. When the doctor asked me what mediciations I am taking or was prescribed, I looked at her like she had two heads. I was really embarrased. I said, ummm I think it starts with a T. You definitely don’t want to be in that situation.
Wear Clean, If Possible All Black Underwear: Wear your best undergarments and a t-shirt underneath. When going to the ER and/or physical, you never know if you are going to get a shot or if the doctor is going to examine you. If you are not comfortable showing your bra or chest, then definitely wear the second shirt.
Have Your Indentification Card: Almost always, when going to see a new doctor, the front desk will ask for your insurance card and indentification card. If you do not have your indentification card, then have an id that has your name and photo and a credit/debit card that has your name listed.
Bring Entertainment: Waiting for the doctor to call your name can be both boring and nerve-wrecking. It feels as if your name is never going to be called. I suggest bringing things such as: magazines, portable game consoles, and mp3 players. These things will bring you more at ease.
Have a Snack In Hand: Ever had that moment that you cannot move from seat in the doctor’s office because you if you stepped out, you could risk losing your seat because you are so hungry?… Yes I’ve been there and it sucks. Have a sandwich made, along with a bottle of water orr you could bring chips along as well just in case.
Ask, Ask, Ask, and Do Tell!: When you go to the doctor, and you are asked if you are having any pain, please do tell of any pain you are having! The more specific you are, the closer doctors are to helping you. Also, for pending appointments such as having a sonogram, don’t hestiate to call the office and ask questions. Ask things such as, If I am there early, will I be attended faster? Am I allowed to eat in the waiting room? Most importantly, ask what will be happening. You may think you are overly talking, but in the end, you are informing yourself, and there is nothing wrong with that.
Get Those Documents!: If you are going to another doctor due to a referral, be sure to have that referral handy. In fact, if you can, have a copy ready in case you lose the original. One of the things I do is that I scan the documents to my e-mail and I case I need it, I print it up. Another thing you need to do is after seeing the doctor, request a note that you went to the see the doctor. Work places and schools need these documents.