myriad.

—so many thoughts are on my mind, it’s hard to focus on one concrete thought. but there is one thought that is haunting me.

i feel like i am in an absurd time warp. where are the fuck are we? this is 2017 and i feel suffocated by not only hate, but fear & anxiety as well. my grandparents emigrated from puerto rico to new york city in 1954 to have a better life. and honestly, i’m disgusted by everything that’s going on. this isn’t the land of the free.

i have to say what’s in my mind and what’s in my heart.

the recent events in charlottesville, virginia  boggle my mind- but am i surprised, no? i believe that racism never died out- neither was it never phased out. racism is a belief to me, something that is taught. and as long as people hold these ideas and spread them, it will never cease to exist. it’s a disease that spreads and attacks everything in its sight.

it is one thing to have opinions and beliefs (everyone has them, whatever)… but to spew hate and hurt people, and murder people, what the fuck is that about? if someone is mad at something or someone, write… there is no absolute need to harm anyone.

but then for our president not to acknowledge what’s going on… like what the fuck! i still can’t stay president…. nope! i can’t. i refer to him as his last name… sometimes, i had drump or call him that. everytime he has the opportunity to show some kind of empathy, some kind of leadership, he fucks it up! i don’t get it…

but let me tell you all something… and i have to say it.

i truly feel in the pits of my being that of course the president isn’t taking a firm stand or denouncing 10000% percent of these recent events. these vile people (these groups that don’t even deserve to be mentioned) are his bread and butter…simple as that! these are the people who voted for him. these are the same people who are so petty and are so angry that President Obama served two terms. i bet these vile people thought… no way in hell are they gonna win again? it’s like these people came out of the sewers like waterbugs and sewer rats. could you imagine if president… addressed these people? he knows what’s up. there goes his 2020 election. and it bothers the fuck outta me that he’s not being a leader, not the leader that we need. he’s not someone who can represent us. on the contrary, he chooses to be a twitter thug and constantly say stupid ass fuckery. he looks really foolish, a straight up buffoon. he makes me sick to my stomach.

it’s a shame that in 2017, i’m afraid to walk alone at night. that i’m afraid that i’ll be attacked in manhattan by one of these vile people. i worry for my partner, the love of my live… someone who is one of the kindest, sweetest, most intelligent people i’ve ever known. why do i worry? because he’s african-american, he will be attacked. we still get dirty looks when we walk down the street from time to time. so… a puerto-rican and an african-american can’t walk down the street together? what’s so bad about two people who love each other, expressing that love. i notice these dirty looks and it scares me.

i truly hope that things get better for all of us. we deserve to live peacefully and without threat.

ironic right? we were promised that america will be “great again” but you know what they say also, “if it’s broke, don’t fix it.”

our government needs to take a really hard look and “drain that swamp” so to speak.

—until we meet again.

 

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oh snap, it’s been over a year!

Hey Everyone! 

Happy Belated 2014… as you can see, it’s been over a year since I posted my last blog. Honestly, I let so many things stop me from doing what I wanted, it’s unbelievable! And the thing is that it was ALL me! I can’t blame anyone else for what obstacles I put myself through. I let my fears and insecurities stop me from doing a lot of things, especially writing. Something just died in me; I became a different person. I cannot quite explain it as I feel like it was a deep sleep. 

Recently, I was thinking about my “funk” and what I could do to fix it. Literally, I heard a click in my mind and I thought about this notion… after I graduated from college, which was back in May 2010. I thought that life would fall into place, like one of those “becoming of age” movies. In the end of this movie, all my conflicts would be resolved and all loose ends would be tied. There would be no more problems. All great ideas and solutions would be in the palm of my hands, preferably left. I would have found the perfect man, moved into my fabulous, well-furnished West Village apartment- everything would be perfect. However, things became the exact opposite. I became so frustrated with life that I just stopped doing the very hobbies that made me happy: going on long walks, reading, just to name a few. 

I decided that by doing the very things that made me happy would make me become the person that I once was and much more. I’ve started to re-connect with friends that I haven’t seen in a really long time; I can’t make up for the past but I am creating a more positive future. I’ve also decided to distance myself from some people and their negative attitudes. The following adage is valid, “In saying no to others, you are saying yes to yourself.” As hard as it is to say no to others for fear that they’re going to talk about you or not continue to be your friends, it’s mandatory that you put yourself first. I think of it this way, whoever is really there for me will stick around for the whole journey, not when it is merely convenient. In saying yes to people almost 99.9% of the time, I lost myself. Becoming consumed with work, going home, going to sleep…. and doing NOTHING in between. This routine felt recycled, repetitive and was and is definitely not for me. 

Right now, I am focusing on myself and doing what’s right. I am writing more. For the first ever, I’ve finished a journal. I will have some stories and poems that I will share with you all. I hope to have my pieces published; that’s my main goal.

I also want to do something called, “The 90’s Box.” It is a project where I am going to collect 90’s memorabilia and write about its significance.

I look forward to sharing my new materials with you all and I hope you enjoy reading my work as much as I enjoy writing and sharing my work.

 

Until next time!