Category Archives: Uncategorized

mind of mesh, mind of matter.

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Hey Everyone,

I hope you all have been having a great Fall 2014 season. I can’t believe that 2014 is almost over! It seems like 2014 just started…

It’s funny… my grandmother used to tell me as a kid to cherish my youth because as I get older, time will pass and I will wake up wondering WTF happened?!? Years later, I hate to admit it, but my grandmother was right.

2014 just few by to me, but I must say that I accomplished so much during this year, especially in the past couple of months, I can’t believe it!

Since the last post, I have been attending the NYU School of Professional Studies. Currently, I am taking a Grammar Intensive Class which will end in a couple of weeks; this is one of the classes I need in order to obtain a Certification of Editing. As a teenager, I dreamed of going to NYU. However, I could not attend as an undergrad because I did not have the financial means. NYU seemed so close, but so far away! Although I have my Bachelor of the Arts from the City College of CUNY, NYU always remained in the back of my mind.

It wasn’t until the summer that I decided to sign up for the class and pursue the certification. Now you may be wondering why I waited for so long? Well, I will tell you one thing… education could be very expensive! I was afraid that I couldn’t afford it. I decided that in order to sign up for the class, I had to sacrifice something- in this case it was money and a weekday of my time. I spent extra hours at work and did not hang out as often with my friends.

At first, going back to school was an adjustment. I had not been in a classroom since August 2009! I was nervous… I walked into NYU with my face sweaty and flustered and my stomach in knots. That feeling is the best in the world! I had a happiness surging through me! It’s amazing the effect one class and one institution can have on someone. Finally, my dream was coming true!

I’m not gonna lie, it’s been hard to juggle the things that have been going my way. I know that I cannot give up on my education, becoming successful, and more importantly, my writing.

At some point in our lives, we struggle with fear. Fear is one of those emotions that we cannot be without. Like it or not, fear is present in our everyday lives. The key to dealing with fear is not feed it. It’s easier said than done.

I was watching the film Matilda the other day and Matilda (Mara Wilson) tells Ms. Honey (Embeth Davidtz) , “I thought grown- ups were never afraid.” Watching my mother and my grandmother growing up, I thought parents were never afraid. Looking back, I know that my mom wanted to convey to my sister and me that no matter what happened in life, life does not stop for anyone. In order to move forward, one must put their fears aside, and live.

Day by day, I am making a life for myself. Fear is being afraid to do good, being afraid to do bad. Be it as it may, when one is afraid, nothing is being done. I’d rather try, try, and try again than not trying and wondering what if. I distain wondering what if.

I’m looking forward to finishing my first class at NYU and continuing with my certification. When I begin to lose patience with the world surrounding me, I remember the fact that I have a great family, a roof over my head, a partner who cares for me, and my health. I have more than what many people have- it’s hard to see that in our hardest times.

Right now, my mind feels like mesh- there are so many things going on, but I wouldn’t change my life for anything. It’s through our life lessons that we become better people.

I’m looking forward to sharing with all of you my new posts!

Until next time!

—Stelly

frozen breakdown.

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About two weeks ago, Mayim Bialik, star of “Blossom” and “The Big Bang Theory” posted on her blog, “Why My Sons And I Hate The Movie Frozen.” Off the bat, I knew that I had to check out the post. Right away, I disagreed with some of her opinions. Now that doesn’t make me dislike her as a person. Number one, I don’t even know her… and it’s her opinions… who am I to judge? However, today’s post serves to answer the top critiques she had of the movie. The following headings are taken from the three critiques she had regarding “Frozen.”

1. Plot: For as long as I can remember, the main storyline of 95% of all Disney fairytale animated movies has the plot of a princess and prince falling in love and having that “happily ever after” at the end of the movie, despite not knowing each other well. If the plot is being criticized for Frozen, then maybe all romantic comedy plots should be criticized as well. There’s always that element of two people falling in love. Guy meets girl; they fall in love; some drama tears them apart. Then the drama is resolved and everyone lives happily ever after. “Frozen” does not have the typical plot. I apologize for giving away the plot of the movie for those who haven’t seen it… Basically, Elsa and Anna are sisters who are very close until Elsa hurts Anna accidentally.  Growing up, Anna doesn’t feel loved which leads to her “falling in love” with the first person who gives her attention. I don’t know about you, but I can relate to Anna. And I believe that a lot of people can relate to her too. How many people do we know who meet someone and within the first month, proclaim their love on social media?

2. Male Bashing: Another critique Mayim stated was the fact that Prince Hans was male bashed after his true intentions are revealed. I can see where she is coming from in terms of maybe the movie should have been a little longer so the climax and the ending could have been carried out more eloquently. But from the perspective as a viewer, Prince Hans turning out to be a villain was just a grand, dramatic plot twist. What we have to remember is the fact that Frozen is geared for children. There is only so much of a plot Disney can fit into a couple of hours.  Also, we have all known people from all walks of life who were deceptive and wanted things for their own gain so this is not surprising.

3. Women As Dolls: Unlike other Disney movies, Elsa and Anna were drawn/animated differently than other Disney princess. Considering that we are in 2014, and technology in animation has advanced, I think it was a given that Elsa and Anna were going to look more life-like and more like women. My colleague also critique Elsa’s appearance after her transformation… all I can say is that Elsa is a twenty-one year woman… so at one point or another, she is going to show curves and have a more revealing outfit. When Elsa is singing, “Let It Go,” she is literally letting go off all her inhibitions and insecurities. Having her hair tied up and having all those layers of clothing shows the audience that she is not only concealing her natural-born powers. Throughout her whole life, Elsa concealed the person she was; she did not want anyone to see the person she really was and Elsa’s parents did not want her exposing herself, out of fear that she would hurt others. I’m sure you felt like that at one point or another. I was sheltered as a child growing up, so simple things like taking the subway and having an extended curfew were immense tastes of freedom and it was overwhelming at times.

At the end of the day, we all have our opinions and thoughts regarding certain topics and events and this is okay. We can all learn something from each other as long as we keep our minds and our ears open.

I hope you all enjoyed today’s blog.

Till next time…

—Stelly

Mental Illness Knows No Boundaries.

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Natalie's avatarThe Grand Optimist

“You are only given a little spark of madness. You musn’t lose it.”

– Robin Williams

Recently the news  broke that Robin Williams had been found dead from a suspected suicide. An amazingly talented man who like many of us, struggled with depression and addiction. Not only has this devastated his family and friends, but the whole world has felt this loss. I think the hardest part to comprehend is that how can someone so funny and what seemed to be so full of life kill themselves? His movies were a massive part of my childhood. Mrs Doubtfire reminds me of my dad and my brothers and is still one of my favourites  It just goes to show that mental illness does not discriminate and that you can have all the money and fame in the and it doesn’t bring happiness.  I think it just goes to show that people may be…

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leading.

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I’ve been reading an awesome book lately that I just can’t put down! It’s called, Happy @ Work by Jim Donovan. In his book, Donovan lists 60 ways in which we can all be happy at work, despite whatever challenges we are facing. Currently, I am at number 38.

I was thinking of what to discuss about on my blog when I thought of a quote that I posted on Facebook last night, “There’s an immense difference with wanting to be a leader & wanting to be a boss. Decide which is more prosperous.” In reading the book, I’ve come to realize that over the course of my career, both academic and professionally, I’ve encountered people who are more concerned with being bosses and not being leaders.

First off, one may think that leaders and bosses are one in the same. I’m not going to lie, I believed that. I always thought a boss was supposed to be a leader. However, that’s not the case.

I believe a leader is someone who helps their employees, their associates succeed, and most importantly, their company succeed. We are all supposed to work complete our daily tasks, that’s what work is. But a leader will show their employees how to complete the task. Recently, I encountered a few challenges at work; I was hesitant to talk to my supervisors out of fear. Like who wants to tell their boss they messed up, like come on! I was afraid of getting yelled at. But then I knew that by communicating with my bosses what was going on, they were going to help me. My supervisors took a few moments to show me how to correct the mistake so I won’t make the mistake the second time.

Although my supervisors helped me at that moment, there were moments where people of authority were mean- there’s no other way of saying it. Instead of helping others, these people would yell and not help at all. Honestly, it is really frustrating to see meanness in any level. Ultimately, we all want to succeed and prosper. In reality, there are people out there who love to see others suffer and not do anything with them.

From experience with certain people in my life, I’ve learned that those who are mean and are seemingly heartless have an immense chip on their shoulder that would take a crane to remove. Many people conceal their pain and insecurities in many ways, one of which includes lashing out on others. I believe that if we all communicated with others, especially at the toughest moments, there would be much more tranquility and peace.

But let’s face it… would we really take the time and explore other’s feelings if we knew how it would benefit us? Leaders do just that… they sense when their employees are in a rut or are “feeling somekinda way” and try to help and lending hand.

Now why some people don’t want to lead but want to boss? It’s very simple… If I am the smartest girl in my class and I tutor someone who is struggling in a certain subject, I would not spill my study tips; there’s a chance that student will have higher grades than me. I have tutored people in the past, without hesitation. The best thing one can do is learn every day. Even though I may teach someone something new, I am actually learning something new as well. I am learning how to teach someone and what limits I have. Teaching people how to do things requires a lot of patience, something I don’t have sometimes, but it’s through teaching people I learn to become more patient.

One of my life’s goals is to lead people to do well. Recently, I saw a high school friend who I was great friends with; in fact, she was my “little sister.” To hear her say years later that I inspired her to study English in college struck a chord in me. The best thing I can do for other people is share my stories and beliefs with people with the hope that something is learned. I know that although I may not psychically have lots of money, at least I know there are people who see me as a leader.

This brings me to the question… Do you guys think there’s a difference between a leader and a boss? If not, then does a leader have to boss people around for things to get done? I’d love to know your opinions!

Until next time!

 

—Stelly

 

reflecting after.

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Right at this moment, I’m sitting in my room, thinking of what to write about…

Ever became so mentally congested that you just shut down? That happens to me all the time. All these thoughts run through my head and then it becomes overwhelmingly powerful; I don’t know what to do next. 

The people closest to me tell me, “Do things one thing at time.” Honestly, although this may seem simple, it’s a difficult concept to follow. How do we complete each task, “one day at a time?” It baffles me how my mother does so many things in such a short amount of time. 

To listen to our loved ones can be so hard… Sometimes, by taking our loved one’s advice, I feel like it’s admitting that they were right and for a person who is stubborn, I can say that’s definitely me! 

Any who… Last week was Mother’s Day and I reflected on the lessons that I’ve learned from my mother and grandmother. One lesson my grandmother taught me comes to mind.

I was in elementary school and I came home crying; I must have been 11 years old. I cried because someone in my class called me fat during recess. It wasn’t the first time I was made fun of, but it still hurt. I was tired of being teased because of my weight. I felt as if my weight was all people saw and I couldn’t take it anymore. I didn’t know what else to do but cry.

My grandmother looked at me while after she put something away in her closet and said, “So what if they made fun of you? Tell them you have a mirror at home!” I stood there just surprised and stumped… I didn’t understand what she said. All I wanted my grandmother to do was to hug me and tell me that those kids were boogers. But that’s not what I got… This was what I was thinking at that moment:

1. She was calling me fat. 2. I’m admitting that I’m fat. 3. I had to stand up to those who were making fun of me.

All of these notions were too much- simple as that. How was I supposed to say that, “Tell them I have a mirror at home” ? By the time I was in the 5th grade, I was afraid to stick up for myself. To make friends and to have good grades in school was really easy to me; confrontation was not. Confrontation is still a challenge for me.

Sixteen years later, I realize what my grandmother was saying. I believe that she meant, so what if you are fat, you know it and you are proud of who you are. If they don’t like it, they don’t have to look at you. By people calling me fat, they’re essentially not telling me anything new; they’re just telling me in the douchiest, meanest, most fucked up way humanly possible. Let me tell you something, words hurt either it is said verbally or written. There are still times when I think of my elementary school days and of what people have said to me. Of course I could have called those jerks out, but I didn’t and I won’t. I’d like to think the best revenge is my success.

I will not hide who I am. I can wear all black and wear the baggiest clothes possible but I won’t. Am I going to be insecure because of what people say and think about me? No I will not! I’m not going to give people the satisfaction of seeking their approval when they don’t deserve it. It takes too much energy to care about what people think of me. I have a loving family, friends, and kickass boyfriend. 

I tell my grandmother all the time that I am thankful for her and for the lessons that she has given me. But this lesson in particular will always stick with me. When I am feeling down, insecure, and unsure of myself I will look in the mirror and remind myself that I am a beautiful, intelligent, and successful woman. 

To those who have called me fat or have put me down, I believe that they have simply called out an insecurity about themselves. Just remember that life is too short to focus on others and what they are doing. Focus on yourself and what you can do to better your future.

Till next time everyone!

 

Do I Miss Being Out In The Work Force? Not Sure…

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Wow! I cannot imagine being in her place… Idk what I would have done! Powerful blog post!

brickhousechick's avatarbrickhousechick

iceposter.comiceposter.com

Though I do miss being out in the work force, the one thing that I do not miss is the sexual harassment, the sexism and the discrimination I experienced.

Mind you, I worked in the banking industry which is pretty much a breeding ground for all the above, but, when I think back at the things I put up with, it makes my blood boil and makes me hope that my daughter does not experience what I did.

Fresh out of college I got a job at a large bank in downtown Boston, supporting High Technology Commercial Lenders (mostly men) in the business of lending a lot of money to companies such as Digital, Polaroid, GTE and many others along the high-tech beltway on route 128.

I was one of two Administrative Assistants and my duties included going on Customer Calls with the lenders.  It was…

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The Melting Pot

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Love this blog post!

New York Water Taxi's avatarNew York Water Taxi - NYC's Most Iconic Boat

By Dave Caplan

New York City is flat out one of the most ethnically diverse cities in the world. 170 languages are spoken in New York and 36 percent of the people living here today were born outside of the United States.

Different cultures are represented by colorful and vibrant communities all over New York. Little Italy still maintains its original charm; head downtown to Mulberry St and sink your teeth into a delicious cannoli. Looking for some great Indian shops and restaurants? Check out Little India just below mid-town on Manhattan’s eastside.

Hispanics represent almost 30 percent of the population, making Spanish the second most spoken language in the city.

Ellis Island Ellis Island

Make your way throughout the city and you will find Puerto Rican, Mexican, Dominican and Colombian communities. One of the most famous Hispanic neighborhoods in New York City is called Spanish Harlem. Also known as” El…

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is it me?

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The other day I was on facebook, going through my news feed. CCNY Secrets, a page created for those who have attended or are attending CCNY, posted up a secret that struck a cord with me. 

This was the secret:

“A close female friend recently admitted to being sad because she’s never had a boyfriend and doesn’t get attention from guys. But the truth is she doesn’t take care of herself. She’s overweight, doesn’t bother to fix herself up (no makeup, dress, hair). She just isn’t attractive to the opposite sex. And before you people hit me with that deep, holier than thou crap about personality and being a beautiful person, lets be honest, we’re visual creatures and like it or not we put attractiveness first. 
So if you’re a female in the same situation, learn to become the girl that guys cannot deny. Or keep waiting for your prince charming movie hero who will look past your imperfections *chokes*”

It’s comments like these that make me feel annoyed. I don’t know the person who posted the “secret” but I bet he/she doesn’t understand where his friend is coming from. I bet he doesn’t know her issues besides what she’s said. It’s true that most people are in fact visual creatures; I’ve seen it first hand. But this this mean that I have to change who I am just so someone else can look at me? Absolutely not!!!

Honestly, reading this made a lot of different feelings re-surface. For me, I always thought that I didn’t have a boyfriend because of the fact that I was overweight. It was hard to “look nice” because I felt that I was being judged anyway… so what was the point? If I dressed nicely or put on makeup, I was just going to be the big girl with that outfit that didn’t suite her who had a pretty face. It was upsetting to see my friends have partners and I didn’t have anyone. I was the classic chunky girl who had a lot of boys as friends, but no boyfriends. I was always smart in school… always had frizzy hair, always the funny girl. Valentine’s Day sucked every year. I always managed to hide everything with a smile.

Sometimes, when we surround ourselves with the right company, we start to see the beauty that is within ourselves. I know that when I started to feel more confident, I started to feel more comfortable about my appearance. I changed who I associated with & in turn, I started to hang out with those I knew weren’t going to judge me. It was then I started putting on blush, doing my nails and hair; I wasn’t afraid to take as many risks.

If there is one thing I have learned over the course of a few years, is that if I’m going to do something, it has to be for myself, no one else.

I met my boyfriend out of nowhere…and it was one of the greatest blessings I’ve ever had. The day I met him, I didn’t have any makeup on… it was on a hot July afternoon. My hair was loose, curly, frizzy and out of place and I was a sweaty mess. But I knew that I had to talk to him…I just had to, although my friend gave me the courage to. Now.. .he could have seen how I looked and turned me away, but he didn’t. We exchanged numbers, hung out, and now almost three years later, we are still together & very happy!

So to the person who posted that secret, how’s about putting yourself in your friend’s shoes? I believe that although sometimes tough love is the key to good advice, it can be just downright hurtful. Also, maybe that person is single because she hasn’t met the right person yet; he’s probably right under her nose and she hasn’t realized it yet.

It’s true what my mother says, “The best things happen when we are not looking, when we least expect it.” When we are sad and at our lowest, it’s hard to see the good around us and the fact that better things will come our way.  And she was right, as hard as it was to admit. 

Do you agree with the notion that we have to change our appearance in order to find love? Are we really that visual? Or was the person being a jerk?

Until next time! 

What’s The Limit?

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I’m watching the Real Housewives of Atlanta Reunion Part II encore as we speak. I’ve been preparing for this week’s blog, thinking what to blog about this week.

The altercation between Porsha Williams & Kenya Moore was messed up… let’s be real. It was messed up for Kenya Moore to be pushed to the ground, hair pulled in front of millions of people so to speak. But honestly, I felt even more for Porsha. She said it herself, “I’ve embarrassed myself! I let her get to me!” In fact Porsha was right, she let Kenya get to her, and in the worst way.

What happened between Porsha & Kenya happens to us in our everyday lives… how you may ask?

Ever had that one person, that “villain” who always gets under your skin? That one person who will antagonize you and instigate an argument like no other. This person can be a co-worker, boss, or even a family member. Unfortunately, I’ve had all three people serve as villains. I’ve had that “limit” that “breaking point” where things got so intense, I’ve ran away in tears; I could not help it. It was either I run away and hide in tears, or I smack someone. Personally, I’d rather run away from the situation at that moment than smack someone in the face and regret it, but also deal with the consequences.

I cannot imagine what was going on in Porsha’s mind. All the things she has been going through: her divorce, things people say online, and someone antagonizing her… of course she exploded! I believe it when she told Bravo Host Andy Cohen that she “just blacked out.” Yes when someone is that angry, that happens; I’ve been there! I feel that Porsha had no time to cool down, to “run away” from the situation and that’s why she exploded.

I was thinking of what I’ve been through, of the situations that my loved ones have been through, and I’ve thought of ways that maybe situations like those could be prevented in the future:

  • Talk To Someone: When things get rocky for me, I talk to people who I trust. I speak to my grandmother and my mother and ask them for advice. Even if I may not like what they say, it feels good just to vent. I know my mother and grandmother have lots of life experiences and I trust their opinions. I also speak to my best friends and my boyfriend because I know they have my back and they always provide a fresh prospective.
  • Social Media Filter: I’m guilty of this, but venting on social media isn’t always the best thing, especially when the person who you are feeling a certain way  is following you on facebook, twitter, instagram, etc. Try very hard not to compose posts directed at them. If there are people whose posts are bothering you that badly, facebook has the “unfollow” option which I will tell you, saved me from being utterly annoyed tonight.
  • Talking It Out: If you feel that you have to talk it out, then maybe you should confront that person. I believe that one prospers more with sugar than with vinegar. Approach the person… go get a cup of coffee, not liquor as it could cause things to further escalate. Be forthright and convey to the person why you are feeling this way and how the situation could be fixed. If the relationship cannot be salvaged, then there’s definitely that option of not having to be around each other or if it’s a family matter, agree to be cordial and move on.
  • Block &/Or Unfriend: Sometimes, blocking and unfriending is the best option. There are those who we can’t be friends with and we’re probably not meant to be friends with. My mother tells me all the time… not everything nor everyone is important. Being an outgoing person, that’s a hard adage to follow. I always want to talk to people and be friends with them. But also I had to realize who is really my friend and who will really have my back. Unfortunately, I’m not friends with some people anymore, but it’s best that way. I’ve found that by not speaking with certain people, I’m definitely less stressed out. I don’t need to unnecessary stress in my life.

 

I’d like to think that we are all the protagonists whose lives serve as the plot of our story. It is up to us to determine which characters will be in our plots and also their degree of importance. What’s most important is that we learn from our mistakes and from those around us. It’s those life decisions that serve as lessons.

 

Until next week!